I can't stop snooping

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
I can't stop snooping
1
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 7:49pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, adn we're both in our mid-20s. I stay at his apartment probably 6 nights a week, and we have a great time together. He's a wonderful guy, always doing the sweet things that guys shoudl do for their girlfriends (like leaving little notes around the apartment and little surprises he knows I'll like).

He's such a great guy that he's friends with all of his ex-girlfriends. He's slept with a lot of girls and is friends with a lot of them, though he only talks to a few of them on a regular basis. I love that he doesn't hold grudges and still finds things he likes about his exes rather than bashing them because it shows a lot about his character.

Here's the problem: I'm pretty nosy. Actually, I'm VERY nosy. I check texts, emails if I have the opportunity, his myspace, everything. I've even started snooping through his pictures on his computer and other files. It's not just him that I do this with--at any chance I get, I look through anyone's texts/emails/etc if the opportunity presents itself.

However, since I'm around my boyfriend most of the time, I do this often. I'm not even trying to catch him in anything; I just get curious and like to know, even though I do this AFTER he tells me about a certain text he got, an email he received, etc. He's very honest so i have NO REASON to snoop.

One problem: I know he still has naked pictures of his exes on his computer, and he even has some videos of himself and some of his exes having sex. I know this because he told me, and I even told him I wanted to see (purely out of curiosity). He showed me what I asked to see, and it didn't bother our relationship at all. I'm not a jealous person, so it really didn't bother me like he suspected.

There's one ex of his that I just don't like, strictly b/c she still writes him and still obviously has feelings for him. When I was snooping through his computer the other day, I found her naked pictures along with his other exes' pictures. I wasn't disgusted, but now I just don't like that he has any of them.

He doesn't live in the past and has never given me a reason to distrust him, and I even went as far as asking him to delete those pictures. He said he would.

I think this snooping thing is going to get me in a lot of trouble. When I try to have will power, I fail. It's so hard. I confessed to him that I check his texts and told him it's purely out of curiosity rather than trying to catch him in something (which is the truth). He laughed it off and told me I shoudln't do that.

What can I do to stop snooping? Is this naked ex-girlfriend thing as terrible to our relationship as it sounds? I'm extremely happy with him and I trust him; I'm not a naive girlfriend who doesn't see the light of the situation; I'm just not a jealous person, though I realize it probably sounds like I am.

Is karma going to get me? Am I risking the best relationship I've had?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 8:31pm
Yes and Yes. Everyone deserves their privacy, do you want someone going through your stuff?
You need to get some counseling and find out why you don't respect yourself or other people, because doing what you are doing anytime you have a chance is dis-respectful. You are very lucky with him so far, he has been up front with you, most people would drop you like a hot potatoe. What is terrible for this relationship is you and your snooping. Good luck