I cheated

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2007
I cheated
2
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 5:21pm
I have been w/my BF for 10 years (we are engaged and have been for 2 years)4 years ago on our anniversary, we had a fight for which he refused to apologize for even though he knew he was in the wrong. That was early summer. He decided it would be best for us to sort of separate for a while (we lived together) and so he was going to move in w/a friend. this was typical for him, anytime we fight he runs that's the only solution he can come up with. if we don't get along he just leaves. so, that said for the next couple of months he was back and forth. he even wanted me to help him move his stuff and buy bedding and stuff for his new room. WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 6 YEARS! Anyway, long story short I sort of started this thing with someone I was working with. It started with emails that were harmless at first and then they crossed the line. soon we were meeting during lunch and after work to hang out. we did not have any sex ever, we only kissed and talked about everything. this went on for 3 months. during this time my BF was realizing something was going on and even though I had tried to break it off, he wouldn't accept that. He was trying to become whatever it was he thought I was looking for. I was juggling both of them. trying to do the right thing w/by BF but still wanting to be with this other person. my BF was doing everything he never did before buying different clothes taking me places trying to get me back to where we had been before. I was wrong what I did was horrible. after 3 months of this hell, i called this other person one night to talk to him about it i didn't want to see him or talk to him anymore. as luck would have it, his wife was there at his apt.(he'd moved out on her during the 3 months)she called me back and confronted me. I told her that we hadn't done anything and that we had only kissed and hung out and of course she didn't believe me. the next day I had to tell my BF. I told him parts of the truth but not the whole thing, mistake #1. he said he would 'take me back' although we hadn't really been apart. he wanted to know everything and I didn't tell him everything. as time went on he kept pushing me saying that I must have slept with him otherwise why would I have done this. I never had a good answer for that except that I had never slept w/the other person. although since I had lied to him for so long he said he had no reason to believe that was the truth. my BF is the only guy I have ever been with and I don't think I could ever do that to him and it's been 4 years and he still isn't over this. he hasn't forgiven me and is constantly throwing this is my face. he says even if he leaves it will eat at him because he doesn't know the truth. we got engaged and i thought things would be better, then we bought a house, and the fighting won't stop. i tried couples counseling and after about 2 months he walked out during one of the sessions, because he thought i wasn't even being truthful w/the counselor. i've tried it all and i don't know what to do. please help me if you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ftizi
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 7:50pm

Welcome to the board ftizi,


This part:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: ftizi
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 7:56pm

Ftizi, it's time to end things with your boyfriend. The relationship you have with him is so dysfunctional that I don't even know where to begin.

But there is one important thing that you seem to not have realised. You know how you tried to break up with him 4 years ago and he wouldn't let you? YOU DON'T NEED SOMEONE'S AGREEMENT TO BREAK UP WITH THEM. Instead, you end it and refuse to discuss restarting the relationship. If he gets really intense about not wanting to end it, then stop dealing with him *period* and let your lawyers deal with selling the house.

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