I cheated, how do I win him back?
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| Thu, 05-10-2007 - 11:07pm |
In the first two months of my relationship with my guy, I cheated on him with two different people, a total of three times. I was confused and although it was a bad idea, I knew it was a huge mistake. Afterwards, I vowed to never be unfaithful again, and I wasn't and I don't plan on it.
A few months after the incidents, he found out about one of the guys. It was a really rough patch for us, but we got through it. He continually confronted me about others, but I was way too scared of hurting him again and hurting our already broken relationship.
Another few months later he found out about the second.
From that point, he called it quits saying we needed a "serious break". I am broken over the situation and a complete wreck because I know he is The One and I know that I will never do it again, and I didn't in the last 5 months of our relationship.
What do I do to win him back?
Please Help!!!

You don't.
Actions have consequences. Obviously he didn't mean as much to you when you had him, given that you cheated with two different guys. Frankly, if I were him, I wouldn't come back either.
Move on, and learn from your experiences
You not only cheating on him, you lied to him when you had the chance to come clean. There's no way I would forgive that if I were him. Trust is too important to a relationship and the fact that you would throw it away by not only cheating but by lying about how often would be enough for me to say, that's it, I'm done.
So if that's where he is, there's nothing you can do to change that. IF he decides to give you another chance (and that's a big "if" and something only he can decide), then you will have to show him over time that you are 100% truthful but trust once lost is SO hard to build. One teeny white lie (to you) and it will all be lost again.
One thing that would go a long way towards making me possibly consider giving someone another chance would be if the person went to counseling to figure out why they thought cheating and lying was acceptable in the first place, and to change the values and morals that allowed them to cheat and lie. I think whether or not you get back together with this man, going to counseling for that reason would be a good idea so you don't repeat this experience.
Sheri
You need to be realistic.
Put yourself in his position - What if:
HE cheated on you, not once but twice.
HE lied to you about it, not once but twice.
And his excuse is that other girls he dated had cheated on him...
Would YOU take HIM back?
Face it - you blew it. Not a condemnation, just a statement of fact. All you can do is learn from the experience for next time. There is NOTHING you can do to get him back.
Give this guy some time and space. Maybe down the line, after you've done some work on yourself, he would be willing to listen to why you won't do the same thing to him again for some other lame excuse. Right now, I agree that there really isn't anything you can do.
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7