I don't know how to deal with this
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I don't know how to deal with this
| Fri, 01-11-2008 - 12:15am |
Hi everyone. I've been with my husband for 14 years. we have two daughtrers, a preschooler and an early teen. For the most part and on the surface things seem good, we have a house, i work close to home, the girls do good in school. But my husband is very stressed all the time. He travels to work for 1 -1/2 hours each way. We have a realestate investement that is driving us crazy, him more then me, since it is in the location of his job. when something happens over there, he comes home in a bad mood. I feel that everything I do is wrong. the other day my daugher said :Oh look, dad looks like he's in a good mood today because it is rare to see him in a good mood. We don't go out by ourselves or rarely as a family, we hardly buy things for our own house because he blames everyhting on the other house. I feel like he uises it as an excuse (Oh we can't go out because they might call me with a problem) He says he can't look for a job closer to home becaus eof the other house. I am so sick of it. I try to distrat him from it but he keeps making excuses. When he doesn't work overtime on saturday he goes to the other house anyway. FOR WHAT I ASK??? He comes home and sits on the couch and drinks an average of 4 nights a week, even though he has to go to work the next day. He stays up really late sometimes and gets maybe 4 hours of sleep. I used to hate driving with him because I literally felt like we were going to get killed in a car accident. I have been putting up with his moodiness and arguing for a long time now, more than a year. Sometimes it gets better, but most times its not. I am getting depressed and I try to find stuff to do with the girls on the weekend when he's not here, becasue when he is here all here all he does is talk about how many problems that other house is giving him. We tried to sell but did not suceed, so we decided to keep it a few more months, or god knows how long. The saddest part is that I've told him he NEEDS HELP, but he won't listen to me. He says he feels like an old man, a long time ago he said he wishes he could hang himslef but doesn't becasue of his family (us) and today all I did was ask what he thought about our daugher going to a sleep over and hehad a tantrum, he yelled at me and got in my face and said WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT CAN'T YOU SEE I HAVE ALL THESE PROBLEMS ON MY MIND" AND then he said if he could drive his car off the cliff he would (we live up in the mountains. I'm really scared for him, and for us too, because I love him, but I can't keep having these kinds of disruptions for me or for my girls. I have tried so hard to be happy and it just seems like our relationhsip is just going downhill becasue all we do is talk and argue about hteother house. Somtimes I wish I could leave or kick him out, but I don't want to abandon him when he proably needs me most. and he REFUSES TO GET HELP..

Welcome to the board nmariean,
Would your husband consider getting some counseling for himself? It really does seem like he is depressed and he most certainly is stressed out. Do you think he has a drinking problem? Would he be willing to go to AA? If not you could go to Al-Anon.
If your investment property didn't sell, why don't you rent it out?
I guess I am also confused as to why this one house is causing so much stress for the both of you. My husband and I have 13 houses - 12 of them being investment properties and they don't cause any problems between us. Could there be something else causing problems and it is being blamed on the investment property?
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Welcome to the board nmariean,
Since he refuses help, you could seek counseling for yourself to help you cope with what's going on.