I don't know how to fix it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2011
I don't know how to fix it....
4
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:07pm

My DH and I have a lot of issues and I can't seem to do anything to fix anything.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:22pm
Tough situation. How long have you been married?
As a outside person looking in, I would say kick him out if he does not get a job (any job) within X number of weeks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2011
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:42pm
We've only been married going on 4 months. I love him with all my heart and my daughter is very attached to his daughter, I don't want to lose him, but at the same time I don't know how to fix any of this. He's been out of work for a couple of months. If I say he needs to look for work, he just gets defensive, doesn't want to talk about it and then does the whole "or what" kinda thing. He says he loves me and that he doesn't think I'm in love with him anymore. I think that the job issue has been tough on him but he's not doing anything about it. I've told him I do't care if he got a job working minimum wage as long as it was something, and he refuses...because he doesn't want to work for less than he thinks he's worth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 5:38pm

Sorry to say but he sounds more irresponsible than my 19yo son - who also refuses to work for minimum wage - but he does not have a wife etc.nor a house/rent payment. I dont like my job, every day is a drag to go there, and I dont make much but it pays a house payment. Responsible adults DON'T just quit any job especially a good paying one when you have responsibilities. You look at the positives of the job - and either put up with it or looking for something else. I agree with Mark - if he wont listen to you, then you have no choice but to give him some kind of ultimatum regarding getting a job. It cannot all fall on you and I dont understand why he is letting that happen - and since he is, you are going to have to put your foot down if you want some change if he refuses to do it by himself. You cannot afford to worry about the daughters being attached - none of that will matter if you go under financially because of his irresponsibility. Sorry to be harsh as I know that has to be tough especially given that you are newly married. If it were me I would not hesitate to kick him out in this situation even with 3 kids and actually have done that in a different situation but

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 07-03-2011 - 12:07am

When you were living together everything was fine......I see below that you've only been married 4 months.......how long did you live together?