I don't know how to react to that?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
I don't know how to react to that?!
4
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 12:11pm
My boyfriend and i are planning on marrying at some point, but he says that if i want to marry him i HAVE to propose to him. i'm kinda confused on how to take that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 1:39pm
I think it's time you have a talk with him about expectations in a relationship, engagement, and marriage. You may find that you two see things very differently and may not be compatible for long-term.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 2:05pm
I know this going to sound like i'm making excuses for him,but he was engaged once before...and 2 months before the date she called and said it was over..so i'm thinking maybe he's afraid i might do the same? i do reassure him till i'm blue in the face that its not gonna happen...he says that i am the one that he wants to marry ,but i still have to ask him, its still confusing
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 2:05pm
Wow, that's so random - I have NEVER heard of someone stating straight out that the woman has to propose to him. Maybe he's acting out resentment that this is a widely accepted concept that the man must take the initiative to make a life long committment legal. Maybe he's worried you'd say no if he asked or maybe he knows for sure he wants to get married to you but senses you aren't quite ready and doesn't want to rely on hints you give. Definitely talk to him, especially if you're like me and have conventional, girlhood ideals of a marriage proposal and would hope that that SIGNIFICANT event, once in your life, turns out as you hoped it to. Or you could always take the unconventional and do as he requests, and turn it into something positive - though there might be some more serious underlying issues in this that you should talk about first.

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 2:07pm
One more thing, maybe he anticipates that you have such high hopes and ideals of what a proposal to you should be and he's buckling under the pressure? I know I've daydreamed plenty on all the ways my live-in SO could propose, whereas I wouldn't assume he has thought nearly as much as I have, being such a girly girl.

 

Tiffany