I dont know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
I dont know what to do
2
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 9:26am
Ok, here is the thing. I dated my high school sweet heart for about 4 years, we broke up and dated other people. i really am still in love with this guy, we have been apart for nearly two years now. the problem is he has a girlfriend and i am not sure what to do. i feel like i should tell him how i feel and see where that leads me. i am so confused and so heart broken i dont know what to do. in the time that we were apart we remained friends, but it got hard to be friends when one was single and the other wasnt. but i am tired of going back and forth between that and i really think he is too. how do i get him to trust the fact that i am ready to settle down and be with him for good. and how do we "forgive and forget" the past, if we do get back together. i am confused and everything keeps running through my head. i know for a fact that he is the one i am supposed to be with...so please help me....what should I do? what steps do i take?


Edited 9/19/2004 3:08 pm ET ET by irachel13
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 9:56am
First things first - can you tell us your ages?

Assuming that you are not 13, as your screen name might suggest:

How can you say I was with Brian, then left him to be with Steve, then left him to be with Brian, left him to be with Steve, now I want to be with Brian - and expect anyone to say "nah, she's NOT going back and forth between 2 guys".

Ask yourself this: Why are you with Steve when you know he's not the right one for you? Are you using him so you don't have to be alone? How can you expect Brian to take you seriously if you are still with another guy, yet claim to want him and only him? Can you see why he doens't trust you?

For you, I recommend spending some time on your own to really figure out what it is you want. Maybe take some time and spend it with friends and developing yourself. Then see what it is you really desire.

If you ARE 13:

My advice is the same. Don't worry about which one to be with. It's ok and actually GOOD to be on your own and enjoy yourself. You don't have to and shouldn't commit to any one person right now. It's hard to believe it now because emotions can become VERY intense, but say to yourself "this too shall pass". It may be painful, but you WILL work all of this out. Talk to friends, an older friend, even your mother or aunt? Find someone you trust and talk it out - that can help tremendously.


Edited 9/18/2004 9:59 am ET ET by blondie0506

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 1:22pm
It's not your choice at the moment - it's Brian's! You've played him (and Steve) like a cat toy, bouncing them back and forth, for your personal amusement. You've burned him twice and he would see it as a huge risk to make a 3rd try.

Frankly, I wonder if you are scared to be alone - but that is exactly what you should do for awhile. To have any chance with Brian, you will need to be alone for awhile and clearly show him that you accept 100% responsibility for your actions. Brian is under no obligation to think like you or give you what you want.