I don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
I don't know what to do
2
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 3:08pm
My bf and I have been dating for about 9 months now and have plans on getting married. But there is just one problem, next year he wants to move about 7 hours away and buy he's own business (he's dream is to own it) . The business will be a success and im not worried about it. The problem is we are moving 7 hours away from my family. That means I can't see them whenever i would like. It is only 7 hours away but it's still my family. I have been thinking about this a lot and have even been thinking about breaking up with him because of it. Some times I think I should just grow up about it but i just don't know if I should stay or if I should go. PLease help any opoinions are very appreciated.

Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 3:38pm
This is something I've dealt with before...and am sorta dealing with now.

My relationship with my fiance is fraught with a number of problems, but this one I think I've figured out. If you're certain you don't want to move, I think you should tell your fiance exactly how you feel as honestly as possible. Maybe tell him you want to be with him, but your stumbling block is the moving, and that you don't want to do that. Ask him if there are options... like moving somewhere closer to your family (maybe 5 hrs away instead of 7...I dunno)

Or, can he relocate the business closer to your family?

If you're waffling back and forth (you want to move, then you don't want to move...) it's much more complex. You'll need to decide for yourself what you want to do, then tell him. Also, have you thought about *why* you don't want to leave your family? Are you afraid your relationships with them will weaken, or are you afraid of being without them in a new place? Is it hard for you to make friends in new places? Understanding why you are so connected to them might help you out in your decision.

In the meantime, give him a chance - explain your concerns with him and maybe he'll surprise you and be open to other options.

Good luck!

Elmira

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 2:03pm
Being anxious or nervous about the changes is normal. Adjusting takes time. If you plan on marrying him - think about a few things.

Do you have a ring on your finger?

Do you have a date set?

When he moves, how much more busy is he going to be? Starting and running your own business takes a lot of time and effort.

Do you love him?

Do you think you will be isolated, bored, not able to make new friends, have a full life, etc if you move away? He won't have time to be your source of everything - excitement, entertainment, yet he will need to still make time for you as a couple.

How often do you see your family now? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month?

My brother moved out of state and sometimes he calls homesick. Wondering if he'd see the family more if he lived closer. I tell him, not really. I live about an hour from my parents and about 20 minutes from my sister. I see my parents more often then I see my sister. Yet we all talk on the phone more often. We get busy with our lives, etc and it's quaility time vs. quanity.


Carrie