I don't know what to do....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
I don't know what to do....
5
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 3:05pm
Hi, I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year. From the beginning we were together everyday, which was fine until about 8 months into the relationship where on several occasions I was asked by friends to do things with them and didn't get to because of him. We met through my step sister and at first he was the best thing to happen to me, but we have seperated several times and I always go back, and right now I am contemplating going back once again. I have only been away from him for a week and a half now, but I miss him like crazy. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I am not sure how I feel otherwise. I always leave him for reasons I feel are legit and when I go back he says that things will change, but after a week or two old habits come back... I don't want to go back to him, but I do.... I am so confused and have virtually no one to talk to about it that hasn't already taken sides... PLEASE HELP!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 5:01pm
If you two aren't proactive about and committed to making changes then things will never be good.

You can love someone and know that you can't be with them because of your (both of you)inability to have a healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 5:24pm
So what your saying is if I am the only one trying to change I shouldn't be in the relationship?!? Well, I get that, but he has been my best friend for a year... How do I break it to him that I don't want to be with him I just want to be friends. Because I love him, I am just not in love with him. That doesn't mean I want to lose him though.

And is it possible I can have a healthy relationship, but the person I am with isn't able to?!? Do you think there is any way to make this relationship healthy or is it a lost cause?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 8:22pm
Listen to your inner voice. Take the time now to reflect on what you really want and ask yourself if he can meet it right now without major change. I think you already know the answer to that.

Cut him loose gently and then step back. Give both of you time to get over it. In time maybe you can be friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 11:31am
You don't love him and you have a unsatisfactory, unhealthy relationship. Seems pretty plain and simple to me.

Tell him the obvious-you two have had so many ups and downs, so many breakups that you don't want to stay in the relationship and hopefully you can be friends.

'And is it possible I can have a healthy relationship, but the person I am with isn't able to?!?'

It is possible but I don't know anything about you. Look at your history with men. Have yoru relationships been healthy? Have you been attraacted to the same type of guy? Are there issues that always come up for you like poor communication, jealousy, infedelity, etc??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:18pm
Not to be blunt but if you don't love him what is the question? There is nothing to work on if you aren't in love with him or don't think you ever will be. It won't be healthy simply because of that, because there is no reason to fight for it.

 

-amy-    "CL-fiesty"