I don't know what to do....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I don't know what to do....
5
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 3:50pm
I have been with my boyfriend now of two years and he is absolutely the perfect man for me. He is everything I have ever wanted! I can't picture my life without him. However, I find myself getting annoyed by some of the things he does, and they are not bad things, just things I need to blow off and don't know how to. For example, he makes these funny noises with his teeth at times and it annoys me. Not all the time, it just annoys me some of the time. Also, when we are lying close together, sometimes his breath is bad and I get annoyed. And then at night he likes to cuddle with me, which I like, but it squishes me at times and I get annoyed. And then some of the jokes he cracks, he cracks them ALL the time, it's always the same old ones and it's just OLD. I just find myself getting REALLY annoyed with frequent things and they are not a big deal! How can I get past this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 4:00pm
Obviously he IS NOT perfect otherwise you wouldn't be in a position of being annoyed over a few minor quirks. I'm curious, is your breath perfectly fresh and clean 100% of the time?

There are 2 options for you:

1 - Kick him to the curb if you can't stand his quirks, then go look in a mirror and realize that you too aren't perfect and likely have a few quirks as well.

2 - Accept him for who & what he is as a man and realize that you will not be able to change him, then go to the mirror and realize that he has accepted YOU, quirks and all.

Annoyance is a CHOICE you make. Acceptance is the RIGHT CHOICE to make if you want to foster a positive relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 12:30am
first - these are not little things. they are quirks that are annoying. and as time goes on, they will become more and more annoying...

you need to deal with the ones you can deal with (the bad breath and squashing for example) and ignore or accept the ones that are part of his personality (the dumb jokes).

sometimes - we get fixtated on seemingly *unimportant* problems, because we can't or won't deal with the *real* issues. that could be happening here. you cannot or will not see what is really bothering you - so you are *picking* on the *little things* because it is easier to see them. think - what is REALLY bothering you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-01-2003 - 10:07am
First, why don't you bring up some of these things in a nice way? For example, buy those listerine strips and take one before you get into bed or to cuddle and offer him one - tell him when he squishes you and if he tells the same joke gently remind him that you've heard it before. But also - make a list - be brutal - of all the little things you do that annoy him - that will be humbling and helpful, I think.
Avatar for wishfulkittn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 1:19am
Oh I completely agree. When the little things start to bother you, you need to search for what is REALLY the problem. What else is bothering you about your relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 3:13pm
Thanks for all the advice and suggestions. I realize these things are stupid, but they just annoy me sometimes, but they never used to. Sometimes he's TOO touchy feely, and he ends up mauling me. And sometimes he cares about me TOO much, almost fatherly... And then he pokes me in the butt and thinks it's funny, and then pretends to kiss me and blows into my mouth instead as a joke. If these things happened only once in a while, I would think they were funny, but they always happen and I feel it may just be his personallity and I want ever so much to get past it. I don't know, they are just things that I really need to blow off and I just want to get past these things. I don't know why they annoy me now when they never used to before. I really love him and want to stay with him, but I'm trying to figure out how I can just blow these things off and not get so annoyed!