I dont know what to do....
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| Sun, 11-16-2008 - 12:02pm |
Hi there..
My girlfriend and I split up about a week ago.
Let me start from the beginning.
She (Karisa) and I have been best friends for just about 10 years. In high school I was not there as a friend of support for her like I should have been. I was in a controlling relationship at the time and tried to keep peace between everyone. Karisa started to date this guy in junior year and was with him just up until this past June. (that would be just about 4 years). They went through alot together (she became pregnant but had the abortion). During their last year together, her boyfriend (Eric) just started to be destructive. He stopped communicating with her, and she was becoming unhappy. During that last year she was with him, she was always hanging out with me because she knew that she could be herself and have a good time with me. Eric was never there for her on her birthday, valentines day, any holiday really, didnt like any of her friends nor gave them a chance, and thus created a bad rep for himself. Well for the past 6 months leading up to June, I had been really holding myself back by not talking to her about my feelings for her because I didnt want to interfere with their relationship. But their relationship only got worse and she was hanging out with me more and more to be happy again. In June, I finally caved and as she was leaving my house one night, I pulled her back into me and gave her a kiss. I wanted to show her that she could have this happiness with me, that there is a better and right relationship just waiting to grow. To my surprise, she returned that kiss. Later that week, she broke up with him to be with me because she knew in her heart that she would be happy with me. And you know what? She was very happy. We, however, rushed into our relationship with intimacy and romance rather than dating first. For the first month and a half, we were very happy, and she had lifted spirits. But then she ran into Eric and broke up with me because she "was not over him yet". I understood that. I wanted her to take the necessary time to get her feelings together and sort her life out first. A week later and she told me that she KNEW she wanted to be with me. But ever since then, she started treating me like Eric treated her. She stopped communicating with me. I guess I was smothering her with attention (always being with her, not giving her any space) but I didnt know I was doing that because she never said anything to me. We lasted 4 months. I had no idea I was smothering her. I found out though I was doing that to escape my insecurities (job, school, parents). I didnt know I was doing that until after we had broken up. For the last month or so we were together it was almost like she didnt want anything to do with our relationship. All she could think about was him. It was like I never even was given the chance to be her boyfriend because she was always thinking about him.
About two weeks ago, she met up with Eric. Apparently she had been trying to meet with him for several weeks to talk to him. (she told me she ran into him again). He didnt want to meet with her because he didnt want anything to do with her. He still cares for her, but doesnt trust her. That night, I was comming home and was going to ask her out on a date because my interview went very well.... only to find out she was breaking up with me because once again, she wasnt over him.
About a week after we broke up, she came over and we had a heart to heart conversation. I told her that I am working on facing my insecruties, my problems, and I will be a better person when I am over them. I then told her about the christmas gift i got her. We have this thing she calls "Bonzai" and only she and I get it because its our thing. It means whenever she envokes the right to bonzai, she is right about anything. haha. So I printed that out with a seal of approval, had it signed, and framed it for her. I did that because I love her... she means everything to me. She had a few tears roll down her cheek when she saw that, and when we parted ways after the conversation. I told her as a promise I will be a better person and would like the chance I never really had to be her guy. She said she didnt know right now.
And now here we are two weeks after the breakup, and (im not trying to assume anything) but I think she got back together with him. (he is now top of her myspace friends list).
I dont get it...
She broke up with him for me. She wasnt happy with him and followed her heart to be with me because she knew she would be happier. Then she started to not communicate with me and saw him again and broke up with me. I spilled my heart for her. and even though it hurt when she broke up with me, I still love her and care for her very much. It seems as if she didnt even want our relationship to work because it was unfamiliar. I believe that (if she is back with him) its because it is familiar to her and easy, rather than dealing with getting over him because its hard. She says she misses him, but all throughout our relationship as a couple, she said nothing but negative things about him. I just want her to open her eyes....
I want her to see that she needs to get over Eric. Being back with him is just going to make her unhappy again. I love her very much and want nothing more than for her to have that right relationship and to be happy, like she was and had with me. I would take her to the outskirts of the city and just sit under the stars with her. I would go out of my way to do these romantic and loving things for her because she means everything to me and I wanted to keep her happy...
I dont know what to do...
If she is back with him again... I dont even know if I can remain a friend to her.
She was dishonest with me throughout our entire relationship, drops me like a dime at the sight of Eric, and all the meanwhile I am doing everything I can to keep our relationship alive and to keep her happy.....
Any advice would be wonderful...
Thank you.

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