I don't know what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2008
I don't know what to do!
3
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 1:49am

My boyfriend Chad and I have been dating for almost a year. We've known each other a long time, even before the relationship, and we have a pure, solid love for each other --

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 3:09am

kmarie08, this is probably not going to be what you want to hear, but here goes anyway.


You are both very young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 8:47am

I'm sorry because I don't want to feel as though I'm minimizing your feelings, but I agree with americajin. You must feel strongly for one another and that means a lot, but you must realize the truth - that very, very few couples withstand going off to separate colleges. And I have to say, kmarie, the ones that DO make it long-term don't act like this. I hate to acknowledge it to you but your boyfriend is right. He's distancing himself to make a breakup easier. I'm talking from someone who is not even a decade older than you, and went to college with a "serious" boyfriend and then broke up three months later. And that was when we went to separate schools in the same city. Your boyfriend is correctly foreseeing a lot of change ahead for you both.

He's already pulling back - I strongly urge you to let him go. This is not the right time for you to be starting a serious relationship. If you two are meant to be together then you will do what most high school/young college sweethearts do and date others but find your way back to one another a little later in life. College is an amazing time to meet new people and find someone who may be great for you, use the time to your advantage because you won't get these four years back and after that it will always be more challenging to meet new friends ( :( ) I think you should go into this experience without a boyfriend. I know it doesn't make much sense now but it will.

As I've said before this may not be the end for you two forever. Who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 3:22pm

Welcome to the board kmarie08,


Since you've made all the overtures and suggestions on how to work on the relationship, date night, etc, and he's not responding, I'm going to suggest something really hard to do - back off, get busy with your friends, stop bringing up his fears and trying to fix them.