Well I don't blame you for feeling betrayed. Platonic friendships between men and women don't usually include the use of words like 'goddess' and 'sexy'. These endearments and the other content of these messages do indicate that something is going on, at least emotionally.
When you confronted him, you said that he accused you of mistrusting him and I assume he denied wrongdoing, but it doesn't make sense that he would change his passwords if he were truly innocent. If he wanted to assure you that he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have done that, even if he was offended.
Counseling is a good thing for you, but it takes both partners to want to save a marriage if it is to be saved. You can't do that without his cooperation.
If I were in your place, I would forward him the email you received and ask him how he would feel if he had read these words that another man wrote to you. I'd tell him he must come clean, and decide if he wants to stay in your marriage. I wouldn't say anything else but that because the unemotional brevity of the message will get the point across to him and let him know you mean business. When he replies, if he accuses you of not trusting him, realize that is just a tactic to avoid dealing with the issue and/or put you on the defensive. Agree with him when he says that, because it's TRUE and you are justified in questioning his behavior. Then I'd tell him exactly what I want him to do to in order for me to regain my trust (decide this beforehand).
I've found that in situations of betrayal, using my cold anger as my primary emotion in dealing with it is much more cathartic and effective than allowing my hurt and fear of loss to overwhelm me.
He is acting very inappropriately. He is cheating on you regardless of whether sex is involved. You need to have a long talk with him about your marriage.
Do you feel there has been something lacking in your marriage? Have you always felt connected?
If he is willing to let her go and earn your trust again then it is time for counseling. If he refuses counseling then that says a lot about how much he values your marriage.
When you confronted him, you said that he accused you of mistrusting him and I assume he denied wrongdoing, but it doesn't make sense that he would change his passwords if he were truly innocent. If he wanted to assure you that he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have done that, even if he was offended.
Counseling is a good thing for you, but it takes both partners to want to save a marriage if it is to be saved. You can't do that without his cooperation.
If I were in your place, I would forward him the email you received and ask him how he would feel if he had read these words that another man wrote to you. I'd tell him he must come clean, and decide if he wants to stay in your marriage. I wouldn't say anything else but that because the unemotional brevity of the message will get the point across to him and let him know you mean business. When he replies, if he accuses you of not trusting him, realize that is just a tactic to avoid dealing with the issue and/or put you on the defensive. Agree with him when he says that, because it's TRUE and you are justified in questioning his behavior. Then I'd tell him exactly what I want him to do to in order for me to regain my trust (decide this beforehand).
I've found that in situations of betrayal, using my cold anger as my primary emotion in dealing with it is much more cathartic and effective than allowing my hurt and fear of loss to overwhelm me.
Do you feel there has been something lacking in your marriage? Have you always felt connected?
If he is willing to let her go and earn your trust again then it is time for counseling. If he refuses counseling then that says a lot about how much he values your marriage.