I don't know what to think

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
I don't know what to think
3
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 7:38am

Hello there. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just about 10 months now. We are both currently in the same college and live ~1 hour away from each when not in college. Throughout the entire relationship, we were so happy with each other, and it seemed like everything was just falling into place. After about 2 months, we finally said the big "L" word, and made everything that much better. We couldn't be happier with our relationship, and made it though a hard summer away from each other and are finally just coming back to school.

When my girlfriend moved back to school that first day, everything picked up where it left off, we both still loved each other. My girlfriend is an RA (Residant Assistant) for the college and moved back early for training. After that first day of moving back into school, Residant Assistant Training began for all RA's on campus. They have a lot of things to do for 2 weeks before the rest of the students move back, so it can be stressful. Once the training began, things didnt seem the same between us anymore, I personally received a vibe from her that didn't seem right to me. A little over a week after she moved back, she broke up with me.

We had a long discussion of why she wanted to break up. I asked her if she still loved me and she said that she really really liked me but was not sure anymore if she loved me or not. I should point out that I was her only real boyfriend that she has ever had. She said that she just doesn't know if she knows what love really is, considering I am the only person she has said it to. She also said that will all of the things going on right now, she just feels stressed and confused and needs a break from the relationship, and maybe date other people for a while. Her grandma was recently taken into the hospital for a stroke and is not doing well at the moment. With that, her RA training, and schoolwork, she has a lot on her mind right now. Although once school starts, the RA training slows down alot concerning the work load.

I love this girl with all of my heart, and I honestly saw us getting married sometime after college. She is the love of my life and I would do anything for her. I know that she loves me as well, but I don't know if I can show her that she DOES love me, and I don't think I can. I believe that this is something she has to figure out for herself. After we talked about everything, I told her that if she ever needs me, I would be here for her, and I think that that is all I can do right now. I told her that it might be good for her to do this, because if she didn't, then she would always have that doubt in the back of her mind. Now do not get me wrong, I did not want to break up at all, but at the same time, I can see where she is coming from. We agreed to stay good friends because we are each other's best friends.

I just want to know if I am doing the right thing by supporting her decision in a way and telling her that I will always be there for her if she finds what she is searching for. What do you make the chances out to be that she will realize what she felt for me was real love and come back and how long might that take? The breakup is absolutely killing me and I just want to know what kind of steps should I take with this whole situation? Thank you very much for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 11:56am

Welcome to the board keoliva,


I think you did the right thing. She needs some time right now to figure things out. Honestly, there is probably a 50/50 chance that she will come back to you. It is hard telling how long it will take for her to make a decision regarding coming back to you. It will probably take several months at the least.


You have done what you can by telling her that you are there are for. Now all you can do is wait. However, don't wait forever.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:25pm

Honestly I think the fact that she is young, hasn't dated a lot, is busy, is stressed, among others things trumps your love for her. You will get over her. I know it hurts. I have been there. Getting married so young raises the chances of not having a successful relationship in the long run. 10 years from now you may have little in common.

Good luck and enjoy college!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 8:47pm

I agree with ciao_gina, and add that being best friends with someone who you are still in love with and hurting over is usually a disastrous idea. You should not be waiting for her to change her mind about you, you should be doing whatever you can to get over her and go on with your life - attempting to maintain the facade of "just a friendship" will ultimately end up hurting you even more. You will not be able to sever that attachment from her and gain acceptance that it is over, which is what you really need right now.

You understand that she has a lot going on in her life at the moment and assure her that you will be there for her, but you need to put yourself first right now - she is not your girlfriend anymore. While it is harder to do, telling yourself that it is over FOR GOOD rather than "for now..." will help you to move on.