I don't want 2 leave but I know I need 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
I don't want 2 leave but I know I need 2
2
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 2:44pm

I have been dating this guy for a about 2 years. I have 2 kids and he has 3 kids. He moved in with me and my kids a while back and when his kids come and visit him he takes them to his mothers. (he was living with his mother before me)I don't allow his kids to come to my house because they don't respect my kids things. He was upset with me when I told him that. He said either I let them stay or he'll leave and i said good bye.

Anyways. His kids mother is very controlling and will not keep the schedule with him regading custody. This has been a major issue because when we try to plan something for us she dumps the kids on him and he'll leave until the mother decides to re-surfface. Well last mother the kids mother's house was raided and we got a call from the police that we needed to pick up his kids or they were going to the shelter. Well we did and I droped them off at his mothers. Well he also decided to take in the kids mother's oldest daughter. She is 13 and is not his daughter. I was upset that he took her in. But he told me to mind my own business.

A few days late I asked him what about us. Were do I & my kids fit in in this new situation. he said that he didn't appreciate all the negative comments i was making. ( I was just telling him he need to step up and be a father to his kids) And that I was being selfish and to do what ever the hell I wanted. So I broke up with him. I told him If i was going to be a burden then I would step back and let him handle his business. ( I was not trying to be a mother to his kids. His kids have no disaplen in their life what so ever. NO structure in their life)

A week later he called asking to make things right. I told him no but we could just date. If you want to call it that. I still don't allow the kids to come over so he has to come over when the kids are asleep. We can't do anything alone because he doesn't have a sitter. Nobody will babysit for him because o his kids. And you can not take his kids anywhere because they don't behave.

I have started distancing myself. i told him that he can't just show up anymore and he needs to call. He needs to come at a decent time. I went out a few fridays ago and he had the never to get mad at me.

I have stoped calling him and he called me Saturday I was like whatever. I had a party at my house and he was not invited.

Is this releationship worth it or should I bail now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 3:21pm

What relationship? It doesn't seem to me that you have a relationship. I am a firm believer in setting boundaries but you appear to dictate the way everything should be with this man. Seriously, how can you begrudge him not allowing a 13 year girl to go into a shelter?

You don't like his kids and they're not allowed in your home. I would never in a million years be with someone who didn't like my kids nor would I tolerate anyone telling me how wrong I am in how I raise them. You are in extreme judgment and that never helps anything. Anyway, it's obvious where you're heading just get it over with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 4:10pm

Welcome to the board cemeterygirl,


I have a lot I would like to say, but all I will say no this relationship is not worth staying in.


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