I dont want to break up our Family

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
I dont want to break up our Family
6
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 2:27pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 4:26pm

From your account, no, I would not say you are selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 4:32pm
He is the best Dad in the world. He says he loves us both so very much. Basically, it is the little things he wont give me. He treats me good but its the little things you know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:56pm

"you know?"


No, actually, I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2007
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:48pm

I understand what you are saying and what you mean...been there, done that, still doing it and stillregreting it. Nine years ago I started dating my SO. He had a 4 yr old (who is now 13 and lives with us full time) that I adored and thought he was great, you know the whole "good father" thing you speak of. Six years ago I had my first baby. By the time he was 8 months old my SO left me for 2 months. Like an idiot, I took him back. My reason: he's a good dad, he deserves to see his son everyday, my son deserves to have a full time daddy, but I love him to death, he's only a jerk because we have alot of bills and money is tight, he's materialistic but....sound familiar. We lived in a crappy third floor apartment and didn't make much money. I went back to school, got my nursing degree. My senior year of nursing school, I got pregnant on my birthday....how do I know this? It was the only time we had sex in like 5 months. I delivered a beautiful baby girl a month and a half after I graduated. I got a great job and my yearly salary quadrupled. We moved out of our crappy apartment, I bought a 5 bedroom house with a pool and big yard for our kids to play in. We also have a Yukon and a new Dodge Ram. And you know what? He still complains that he is not happy because he doesn't have enough...he wants more. We still don't have sex more than once every few months. He has a bad day at work, he verbally abuses me....you realize the name calling and accusing is abuse right? Yet I am just like you, I don't want to break up my family. Well what we are doing is enabling this behavior. And I know but...I know, I am the queen of but's. I am going to tell you where but is going to get you. I have been using the but's for a while. I can't even tell you why I don't kick him out anymore. The years have passed and I don't have any more excuses for him. Am I doing a favor to my children by staying with this man that no longer loves me nor do I love him...no. Has life passed me by? yes. There are so many opportunities out there. Over a year ago, I met a doctor. I feel bad admitting this, but we have been having an affair for the last year and a half. I have tried to call it off a few times. I would start feeling guilty and try to work things out. I gave the SO the I need you to love me speech a million times. He did nothing but blow it off, tell me I was whining and that we had been together so long that we didn't need to be affectionate. We are human and need to love and be loved. So back in the doctor's arms I find myself. He has been so tolerant and understanding of my fear of leaving and my "obligation to my family". Well not only I am still feeling stuck with my SO, I am losing the doctor who I love and treats me with nothing but respect. So don't let the years go by or end up up feeling more stuck and finding more excuses of why you don't want to leave. As time goes on, you are going to become bitter and resentful and it's only going to get worse. Run while you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 10:56pm
You cant get close to someone who turns on you when he drinks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 12:35am

Hi blondeebabe004,


I replied to you on the other board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=26058.6


and just wanted to welcome you to this board as well.





angels