I dont want to hurt him.
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I dont want to hurt him.
| Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:03am |
My bf and i have been going out for 1 year and 7months and i really love him. i have this one friend that i have been hanging out with recently and my bf doesnt like him because of the reason that hes a guy. Im always telling him that he should trust me and that i would never do him wrong but then 2 nights ago i went out with my friend and we ended up kissing. and i felt soooo bad afterwards and i dont want to hurt my bf . and i feel if i tell my bf he will never forgive me. i know that i have to tell him ....but how. i dont want to hurt my bf but then again i cant say no to people so im screwed ither way. i dont know what ima do about my friend cuz hes a cool guy but i dont want what we did to happen again. what should i do?

To begin, you did not sleep with this friend, you kissed him. There's a difference. You want to tell your boyfriend about it to get rid of your guilt and bad feelings. However, this may not be the best way to feel better about yourself. As you said, it will create a lot of hurt and more distrust for your boyfriend, and seriously threaten the relationship. Instead of blurting it out to him, it would be a better idea to stop seeing the friend for awhile. You say that you do not want this to happen again with the friend, so you need some time away from him to understand and work on what is driving you. You also say you can't say no. This is indicative of a problem which needs to be handled. Why not go to a counsellor and get some professional help with this. Find out why you can't say no (living this way will make you vulnerable to anyone who comes along, and certainly you then could not be trusted to be faithful). The place to work this out is not with your boyfriend (he can't really help with this and it will only cause him much pain). The place to work it out is with a professional, if you truly want to become in control of your feelings and behavior. Explain to your friend that you do not want this to happen again and are taking a break so you can understand yourself better. If your friend can't understand that, then he isn't a true friend. Also, it's not a good idea for you to be friends with other men while you're in a relationship if you have the problem of being unable to say no. You need to understand yourself, and discover the best way to functiion so that all can go well.
Best wishes.
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Personally, I think you should end the friendship with the guy.
Then you need to decide if you are ready to be in a committed relationship or not. Because while you didn't sleep with him, you crossed a boundary that I'm sure if it had been your boyfriend kissing another girl, you'd be livid.
Carrie