I feel like I am unaccepted
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| Tue, 06-19-2007 - 4:57pm |
My boyfriend is Persian and I am Filipino. We have been dating for four years. One problem which seems to be the only problem in the relationship is.. Why is it that I am not invited to any family functions? But with my family we accept him with open arms. His parents 40th Wedding Anniversary was held at their house.. Huge party-- Gala! And I wasnt allowed to come. His excuse was it is my parents party not mine. Its with their friends. It my parents party and they pick and chose who can come. But me dating my boyfriend for 4 years.. Who am I?
Another example is this past father's day.. My boyfriend invites me over to his house the night before asking, "Do you want to eat Persian food?" I replied, "What kind of question is that, of course I do?"
His reply back was, Well you can come over but you know I have to eat upstairs with my parents.
And So I am here thinking to myself so does that mean I have to eat downstairs alone.
And well long story short was.. Yes basically I was supossed to come over and eat after they were done eating and not eat with them. His parents even told him they dont want anyone else over.
That why I feel like his parent doesnt accept me.. and Honestly I dont think he has the "balls" to ask to his parents if it is ok if I come over too.
His excuse is why is it a big deal if my parents like you or not, you are here to date me not them.
But myside of it too is yes I understand that, but its been 4 years how why cant I go to anything.. In my family's case.. he is accepted with open arms in my family.. But if there is a fuction at my house for something, its like I have to drag him to come here?
I just dont know what to do anymore.. Believe me he is a great guy I love him to death. But family is a big issue to me. And to think his parents doesnt accept me, just makes it harder when they dont even try to know me.
Sometimes I think its because I am Filipino and not Persian...
Please Help! :-/

It certainly sounds like a very negative, disrespectful situation. And yes, it's certainly very possible that his parents are rejecting you because you are not Persian. They may feel that only a Persian woman is acceptable for their son. Sounds that way. What is more troubling is that your boyfriend goes along with this and does not stand up for you. And what about you? Why in the world are you still with him after this kind of treatment? Four years is a long time. Do you hope to marry him one day? It doesn't sound as though that would be possible, given the fact that you are not acceptable to
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It matters what his parents think because it matters to him. If it didn't, he'd take a stand and insist that his parents respect him enough to respect his choices.
How old are the two of you?
My advice is to run, run, run. He may be a great guy, but he will never be your great guy, and if by some incredibly miniscule chance he does marry you, you will be a second or third-class citizen in that family. And his family will always rule his life.
I'm not making generalizations about all "Persian" people. I recognize this particular type of Persian guy.
This is probably all going to go over your head because you don't want to hear it. You've put up with it for four years already. I suspect he's young still and not ready to marry. Once he's old enough to marry, his parents will start pressuring him to date someone they consider appropriate, and you'll be out on your proverbial ass.
Save yourself this heartache and find someone who loves you, treats you with respect and demands respect for you from his family.
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7