I feel like I am wasting my time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
I feel like I am wasting my time...
5
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:15am
I have been with my bf for a year and a half. I was so in love with him at first...he would do things for me and I knew I could count on him. (we are both 26) It wasn't until he told me he was never going to marry me that things changed. He moved out on me the day after he told me that, I really don't know why. We are both in college but I am almost done. He decided to finish the tech school that he is at now and then start all over at a 4 year University 3 hours away. That means we would have to move and where does that leave me? No commitment, no house, no stability...He thinks that everything is great. He does nothing for me anymore..but he doesn't treat me bad or anything. We are more like roommates. I can't even stand his sister and he extremely close to her. Is this just not meant to be? The things I want I will never have with him. I do not even know if I can count on him to be there if I need him anymore. I am so unhappy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:39am
I think you answered your own question although I understand that sometimes you need to hear it from someone else to make it more clear.

He has told you point blank that he will ont marry you. If this is what you want, and you know he won't give it to you, then he isnt the one for you.

It sounds like he is entering a new phase in his life, going to school, and that he wants to do so single. Let him go. If it is meant to be, you will maybe reconnect later, but for now he cannot commit to you or the relationship so its time to walk away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:36pm
Developing a relationship with someone is a journey to find out IF they are the right person for you. Only by spending a good deal of time with someone can you discover that. That is not a waste of time. It's only if you discover it is NOT a right fit for you but you stay on, does it become a waste of time. I think you know this is not what you want for yourself. If not, then move on. Learn something from the experience and don't dwell on the negative. Happiness is achieved by making the right choices for ourselves. Likewise, unhappiness comes when our choices are poor. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:20pm
'The things I want I will never have with him....I am so unhappy.'

Then the writing is on the wall. It sounds like you deserve someone who treats you like a committed girlfriend. Someone whose priorities are different.

He has his goals which don't include a serious girlfriend. That is fine but you two have less in common now.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:10am

You are wasting your time with him. He cannot be counted on and beyond that, he has told you very clearly where he stands - that he will never marry you. It's just time to let him go. He's been pulling out of the relationship in many ways - not doing things he used to, less sex, etc. Whatever's going on inside of him, (which he may or may not be aware of), he has not been forthright with you and communicated his true feelings. Therefore, they come out suddenly in unexpected behavior. As of now, he is not good relationship material, and you are lucky to have found out all this before you went any further in this relationship.


Take time for yourself, surround yourself with positive, constructive people and fine activities. Then start again. There are many wonderful people out there who are truly deserving of you.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:52am
Wow I am shocked to find that there are more men out there like that. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 1/2 yrs and he says he will not marry me because of his past experiences. But i really love him, and i am really unhappy too. I totally understand how you feel and i cant tell you what to do because i am not even sure of what to do. I guess you stay because you hope he will change and if he is anything like my boyfriend set in his ways and they probably will not change them at all. So the way i see it we end up being hurt over them and moving on. I know it is hard because i cant do it either.