I feel like a Mess
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I feel like a Mess
| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 6:52pm |
Ok lets see where i can start here. My husband and I have been together for 7 yrs. We have had some problems w/ both emotional and physical infedelity in the past. Both have stemmed from lack of communication.We worked through those problems. Now because of him thinking i have a bad outlook on life and me thinkin im the worst he could do there have been thoughts of splitting up... which is the last thing either of us really want. I have trouble talking to anyone about how i feel, much less sorting it out myself. There seems to be things missing that we both used to do, including being able to talk to each other without getting wrapped up in feeling awful about how the other feels or blaming ourselves....which just seems to lead to more not talking. how can the cycle of not talking/getting defensive stop? How can we feel loved by the other person again? this is hard for us, he drives truck and is gone alot, im at home w/ 3 kids. Sex, communication, and probably other things seem to need help but we only have so much time together out of a month( like 4 days). we have both said that we would feel lost without the other, how do we bridge our gaps? a little of the trouble is that im so much by myself that im used to not having sex, and have a heck of a time trying to get aroused when he is home... i dont think much about it when he is gone. i love him, i am happy w/ my life....but things are going wrong and i want to fix it before anything gets to us parting ways.

Pianoguy was hoping you'd have a profile....or at least an explanation about your name? It's fascinating.
Let me ask you something.
Would YOU truly be happier by yourself if the option was available? I realize your post indicated that neither you...nor your husband...wants to end a 7-year marriage. And yet, I sense that HE has considered the possibility? His frustration might come from the fact that he's "on the road" during most of his week...and that he'd like MORE FROM YOU when he comes home? Maybe...after having 3 children...the "thrill of the chase" is over for you? And most married men get frustrated when their wives are constantly "pushing them away!"
Just out of curiosity...what attracted you to each other in the first place? Maybe this is where you should begin...at least when it comes to "rebuilding your marriage?"
Another thought...what's the possibility of giving yourselves one weekend a month AWAY from the children. Call it a mini-vacation or a weekend retreat. If you have friends or family that could keep an eye on your children...unless they're old enough to care for themselves...you can reciprocate on a different weekend! This will give YOU and YOUR HUSBAND the quality, alone time you obviously need. The more you can concentrate on each other (without distractions)...the quicker your marriage "might" get back on track?
I guess a little marital counselling could help the both of you as well? But to be honest, the 2 of you might be more successful 'revisiting the happy times you originally spent together'---than plunk down a lot of money on marriage therapy???
Best wishes and warm thoughts,
Pianoguy