I feel like my husband doesn't like me anymore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
I feel like my husband doesn't like me anymore...
3
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 7:43pm

I don't even know where to begin on this one....I'll cut to the chase and just say I came across an interesting list that my husband had started. I'm not sure what he intends to do with it (discuss it with me, discuss it with something else?) but I am at a loss. I knew that we had had some extra tension going on and off, since just after our beautiful daughter was born. I suffered post-partum depression for 2 months right after she was born before I was on medication, and since then, things haven't been the same between us.

Here is the list:

-her family with Charlotte (our daughter): me bad guy (looong story here)

-i only get 10 months: for 10 months (I think referencing me being off on mat leave and wishing I had more time off)

-control everything: feeding charlotte, vehicle, saving cheques (saving baby bonus cheques - to use for child care was my reasoning)

-make plans and decision on onw and complain if I don't follow (I decided quickly to take an extra 2 months off while on mat leave, but made sure there was money coming in - all my i's dotted & t's crossed - before I did so, so my husband wouldn't have to worry about it)

-discuss things: she cries & no change

-charlotte's b'day: her way

-sick: family get together (I mentioned a famly get together and he came, but I didn't force him to!)

What should I do? My husband is NOT someone that discusses his feelings. He shrugs things off by saying "don't worry about it" or "you'll just get upset". My heart is broken...I just miss him so much...I miss us and the good times.I know things can change in a relationship after a child is born, but I really didn't think I was that horrible of a person. This list makes me seem so :smileysad: I am not trying to be controlling...I have just spent the last year of her life home with her every day (back to work this week) and know what has been working and not.

Thanks (in advance) for your input...

JRL

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well I think now that you found the list, you have to tell him and ask him to talk to you--and listen to what he says, don't be defensive even if you disagree.  I do think that some new moms really shut the dad out like their way is the only way to do things--then later they will be complaining that the dad isn't helping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008

I agree with the last poster.  You need to talk with him about it.  Don't come off as acusatory, just say, "Honey, I found this on the table, do you want to talk?"  And then shut up and let him talk, even if it becomes an uncomfortable silence, even if he goes on for 10 minutes about how ticked off he is.  All good husbands (and I'm betting yours is), want to please their wives.  It sounds like he's at a loss to please you.  Make sure you don't criticize his parenting skills, because that can make things worse.  It's very difficult for some guys to deal with the infant phase.  My husband just kept saying, "All the noise, noise, noise!!" from the Grinch. :smileyhappy:  They tend to enjoy kids as they get a bit older.  Make sure you two are making joint decisions and not you making a decision that you "think" will make him happy.  Communication is important.  Hope that helps!

 

Gina