I feel sick :o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
I feel sick :o(
15
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 8:19am

Hi everyone,

years ago I was in an emotional abusive relationship for 8 years, apart from calling me names, telling me my family don't love me etc, my ex used to masterbates in to socks and leave them there for me to find, it was constant, it was soul destroying for me. . . The last straw. 

that relationship ended as I broke free.

im now with another man, been together for 3 years, we make love very often, but now, the same thing is happening to me :o( I'm now finding socks with semen on them. I even told how it broke me when my ex did it to me. . . . And now he's doing it, I'm finding them by our bed...or just casually on the floor laying around.

im broken, it's not the fact that he masterbates, it's the fact that he knows what it's done to me in the past, and that he's just leaving these things laying around the bedroom For me to find.

How ow would you feel? 

because I feel hurt, sick, angry, at a loss :o(

Gem x 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 11:26am

Have you spoken to him about it?

I would probably start the conversation from the practical angle and try to keep the emotion out of it. Please don't leave those socks on the floor, and please wash them out. Because you don't want to deal with them. Better yet use some tissues and throw them in the trash. How would he like it if you left soiled sanitary napkins or tampons on the bedroom floor for him to see and pick up?

Then when you're on the topic you can remind him how this same behavior by the ex was very hurtful, did he remember you telling him that, he is reopening old wounds by his insensitive behavior etc.

I remember some previous posts about this bf/caregiver/baby daddy. Have any of the other problems been resolved?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 11:57am

Hi, yes I have talked to him about it, he said "do you actually think I'd do that to you after what your ex has done" 

so he's denied it,  he remembers well what I went through, and yet, still he's doing it. He does it whilst me and the children are actually in the house, I know this as I never leave the house :o( and like I say, I never refuse him sexually either :o( 

things has changed, he's now got a job, I've had my operation, I'm off my one foot, running around after my 1 year old daughter, so I'm finding it difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 11:58am

How strange!  Two men that do the same disgusting thing?  You say you told him about the guy in your past that did that......and now he's doing it too?  That says something.  The other responder refers to other problems with this man......and I think that he's doing it on purpose because he's as twisted as the first guy that did it.  He's trying to mess with your head, and he's succeeding.  It's time for you to stand up and tell him you refuse to deal with that, and he needs to stop it, or he needs to get out.  In the meantime, whenever he leaves that evidence around, throw it away, eventually he won't have any socks left! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 12:24pm

I know, it's making me feel sick, I can't eat because of it, I'm literally scared to pick up washing in the bedroom as I'm afraid of finding a sock :o( it's really getting me down, feel as I'm not good enough you know? my stomach goes in to knots when he's upstairs, I feel that when he's upstairs I don't want to go up there as I don't know what I'll be walking in to. . . I'm just so fed up. :o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 1:16pm

It's sad that he is restoring to this level and using the very same thing which he knows would disgust you , on tops, hurt you. Reason is not difficult to find but the solution would be.He is resenting you for something and wants to hurt you as much as he is hurting.To get that out of him would be far from easy.This is his way of communication but very common behavior.Not to say right or acceptable. There is an underlying/ unresolved  issue at play.Only thing you can do is to ask him but I can guatantee that he won't answer honestly and you would have to scratch your brain to figure out by picking hints he will throw your way.Thd question now is,do you want to be with such a person who instead of cimmunicating the problem, treats you disrespectfully and throws hints?

Gemmn wrote:
<p>Hi, yes I have talked to him about it, he said "do you actually think I'd do that to you after what your ex has done" </p><p>so he's denied it,  he remembers well what I went through, and yet, still he's doing it. He does it whilst me and the children are actually in the house, I know this as I never leave the house :o( and like I say, I never refuse him sexually either :o( </p><p>things has changed, he's now got a job, I've had my operation, I'm off my one foot, running around after my 1 year old daughter, so I'm finding it difficult.</p>

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 2:15pm

Well maybe you may be on to something, as far as I can think though, I really wouldn't be able to guess if he is resenting me for something, I'd rather he'd just talk to me instead of this, you know what the worst part of it is....is that he's doing his 'business' like into a tissue or something I'm guessing...but then he goes and gets a sock for the 'clean-up', then just leaving them around. Ive been here before and there's no mistake in what it is :o( 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 3:14pm

Two different guys using the sock sounds weird, I never knew a guy who used socks for that purpose. I wonder if your bf is using the socks because he heard the story about the ex? His behavior sounds rather passive-aggressive but that fits in with some of the things from your previous posts.

What could he be resentful about? Maybe that he's only 23 and is already a father and stepfather, with a homebound gf with a lot of health issues, maybe the sole provider for the family. Until recently also your caregiver so he was likely feeling "on duty" 24/7 even if in reality he wasn't doing it that much. Meanwhile his friends seem free by comparison. Yes he should be willing to discuss with you whatever the problem is.

Why are you picking up his clothes off the floor? Even if your arrangement is that you wash the laundry he should be putting his own dirty things in the hamper. Leave his socks on the floor and let him deal with them. Maybe if he doesn't get a reaction from you he will stop doing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2014
In reply to: Gemmn
Sat, 04-05-2014 - 3:55pm

I have no idea, he was happy to become a dad, knew I had an illness when we got together, I was totally upfront about it, I'm a very positive person with regards to my illness, I don't expect much from him, I really don't know guys,. . :o( 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 2:53am

Has it occurred to anyone that socks are the perfect masterbatory tool as there is no mess to clean up?   Just tell him that leaving dirty socks on the floor is annoying.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 10:20am
Sorry, but just because he was aware of everything before,doesn't make it easy to accept the situation. He might be regretting his decision.

Pages