i hate my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
i hate my husband
4
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 10:38pm
My husband I have been married for 3 mts. but we've lived together for 10 yrs. I really thought I was doing the right thing when I married him. (I even prayed about it first) But now I realize I was just settleing because he has always been mean and grumpy and cold. We have 1 child together and I have a child from a past marriage. But my hubby is mean to him too. He doesn't hurt him physically but ignores him and bosses him around.He acts like he never does anything wrong and blames me for all of our problems. He rarely says he's sorry or that he's wrong unless I beg and beg and then he doesn't mean it. I admit when I'm wrong (and sometimes when I'm not) and apoligize for my mistakes and I really thought if I showed him love it would be contagious but it's not. I've left him twice before but the last time I got cancer and came back and he took advantage of my being vulnerable and sick and talked me into staying. He doesn't beat me or cheat on me but those are his only good qualities. I would probably have left already but right now I have nowhere to go because of money he's out of work (another story) and I'm disabled so he's also at home with me all day driving me nuts. And he is so close to our youngest son. By the way I'm 33 my hubby is 45 and the boys are 10 and 7. HELP!! Does it even pay to stay?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 1:18pm
What kind of support system do you have? Family? Friends? What state programs do you qualify for? This doesn't sound like a good situation to be in.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 12:19am
I really don't have any friends anymore except his because he doesn't like me going out. And my family is supportive emotionally but they have a lot on their plate right now and they are kind of sick of me complaining about him since I already left him twice and came back. It's not a good situation and I really won't qualify for anything until I actually leave him. What a "catch-22". Last time I left I took the kids to a homeless shelter just to get out of here because I had gone through rehab and he was still drinking. But we come from a small town and the shelter was in a big city and the kids hated it and so did I so it's not an option this time. I think I'll just have to save every penny and stash as much money as possible until I can leave. I can't even sugest to him that I want to leave because he freaks out and takes the keys or disconnects something on the van. (I've learned a lot about fixing cars that way) My 10 yr old actually said he hopes I find a rich nice man someday. So do I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:28am
I think you have already made up your mind. I think you know what is best for you & your boys in this situation. It seems by some of your statments that your husband is controlling & verbally and emotionally abusive. Just because he is not physically abusing you doesnt mean he is not abusive. He has a hold on you and he knows it. I think your on the right track. There are so many places you can go for help in this situation. Even if you can't get help by the state financially until you are out of the situation. My sister has been in a very similar situation. There are government housing departments that you can apply to by your self, there may be a waiting list so that may give you time to save up a little. There are other types of foundations that may help you for a deposit on a place & ect. Because of what you have stated about your husband you may have to get a restraining order. I would also inform your boys councelors at school because they have probalby suffered from this situation and will continue for the rest of there lives. I know this from my own childhood! I pray that you will have the strength to what is right for you & you kids.

My thaughts & prayers are with you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 12:38pm

friends and family can be supportive up to a point. its really up to YOU to make the necessary changes. and i know how hard it is.