I have just about HAD IT

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
I have just about HAD IT
14
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 12:14am

I posted not long ago on another forum about my BF calling me "pudgy," to which he says he was "just teasing."

Last night was pretty much the last straw. We were at the mall and the mall is sort of run down. I said it reminds me of this mall I had gone to two summers ago. The conversation continued as such:

ME: This place reminds me of this mall me and my sister went to in Indianapolis...

HIM: My sister and I.

ME: What?

HIM: It's "My sister and I." You have to start sounding educated, especially when you're going on job interviews. Seriously, they look at things like that..."

And that that point the conversation ended with me walking away from him. And I did something I never do - I threw a fit in public. I told him (loudly) that I was sick of his nitpicky BS, I was sick of him giving me "tips" and "pointers," and that it was incredibly offensive. He, of course, said "Well, I'm sorry." And I said, "No you're not. You've done this before, you've said you're sorry, and you just keep right on doing it."

And at this point I haven't spoken to him since last night. People of the board - seriously - is this a forgiveable offense? I'm at my wits end. He doesn't do this every day, but it's enough. It's either correcting my grammar, poking at my stomach (and I am NOT fat by any stretch of the imagination), or whining about me not wearing clothes that he considers "sexy."

I'm tired of it. I don't know if this relationship is worth saving.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 1:10am

Hi gal_mel77,


Have I got a book for you: Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis.... buy yourself a Christmas present or check it out from the library.


Merry Christmas.






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 8:23am

Hi, gal_mel77! I remember your other posts, and frankly, I would have been out of there a long time ago. He seems to feel that you're a possession, like his dog, or someone for whom he is responsible, like his child, rather than an adult who makes her own decisions. In this post alone you have indicated that he is trying to control your weight, the way you dress, and your use of the English language. Good grief, who does this? A doctor, a father, a teacher--all authority figures to whom we defer because we assume they know what they're talking about.

Is this offense forgiveable? Sure--if it happened to be an isolated incident, but it's not. I'm guessing that you will break up with him pretty soon, and when he demands to know why, you will cite some of the incidents you've told us about, and he will exclaim, "You're breaking up with me because I corrected your GRAMMAR??" Don't let him deflect you with this tactic. You are talking about a persistent pattern of behavior that keeps you from being happy in the relationship. No one should have to put up with that kind of treatment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 8:24am

Thank goodness he is just a boyfriend and not a husband.

I would be done. The world is critical enough, while deal with it at home? Correcting your grammer in a normal everyday conversation? Come on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 3:30pm

Frankly, if you're getting bent out of shape because he corrects your incorrect grammar, I'd say he'd be better off if you left.


He's trying to be helpful, and you come down on him like a ton of bricks.


Do him a favor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 5:22pm

>>Frankly, if you're getting bent out of shape because he corrects your incorrect grammar, I'd say he'd be better off if you left.<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 5:48pm

I would be interested in knowing more about this opinion of yours and from where it originates. As they say: "Consider the source."

If you are a woman, are you the mousey, "yes, dear" type? If you are a man, are you the "king of the castle" type?

Because I consider your advice completely worthless. If my complaint were a one-time utterance, I would be able to to overlook it. Unfortunately, as I indicated, it is not. This is an ongoing thing.

I would expect this type of behavior from a teacher, doctor or father figure - not a significant other who is not responsible for me or my actions.

Thanks for your completely meaningless drivel though. I'm sure it took a whole lot of brainpower to pound it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 6:10pm

I understand it's an ongoing thing - so it's obvious that a) he's not going to change, and b) it bothers you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 7:37pm

>He's trying to be helpful, and you come down on him like a ton of bricks.

Yep, you're most certainly a guy.

You're one of those guys who thinks that making rude and unsolicited remarks is "being helpful." That and that a healthy self-esteem equates to an "anger problem."

Gods I feel sorry for the woman in your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 9:18pm

::He's trying to be helpful, and you come down on him like a ton of bricks.


All people that criticize or are critical almost always come from a place of wanting to help and/or it's a learned behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 11:14pm

>Gal_mel77's guy *may* be trying to help, but being critical and constantly pointing out her faults isn't the way to go about it. It builds resentment.<

Thank you! That's exactly how I feel about it. Because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells to not do or say something "wrong."

I don't criticize him because I would not want to be viewed like one of those nagging and overbearing girlfriends. But it's interesting though that when men nag, it's called "being helpful."

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