I Just Don't Understand Him! Please Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
I Just Don't Understand Him! Please Help
2
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 10:24pm

My finace and I have just not been clicking for the last few weeks. We used to talk and spend time together. It seems like here lately that he doesn't want to be around me and when he does it's only for sex. He doesn't talk sometimes when we are talking I'm the only one doing it. He'll just lay there and stare at the ceiling so I'll ask him what's on his mind then he says nothing. He hangs out with his friend more than me which I don't care if he has friends, but they see each other all the time anyways because they are roomates. Sometimes when I call him the answering machine will come on and I know he is sitting there listening to it because if I leave a hateful message he will call back. It's like here lately I have to be mean to him to get him to be normal. I don't know if he likes me mean or if it's just an attention thing. Also he talked for months wanting to move in together before we get married. So I found a house to rent that was big enough for me, him and our baby. The first day I told him we needed to go look at it he said he had things that had to be done. So I rescheduled the appointment told him about it and he said ok. Then when it was time to go I couldn't find him, but after the time for the appointment had past then he appeared. If he didn't want to move in together then why was it his idea? If he just wanted to change his mind then why didn't he tell me he has always be able to talk to me. I'm a very understanding girlfriend I put up with more than alot of girls would and he has always been able to tell me anything and I never put him on the spot. If anyone out there knows what could possibly be going on with this man then please let me know. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I need help before I do something stupid like leave him because he is about to drive me crazy. I hate being with someone yet still being alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 10:40pm

"Sometimes when I call him the answering machine will come on and I know he is sitting there listening to it because if I leave a hateful message he will call back. It's like here lately I have to be mean to him to get him to be normal."

Love is not hateful, or mean. How long did you date before becoming engaged?

"It seems like here lately that he doesn't want to be around me and when he does it's only for sex. He doesn't talk sometimes when we are talking I'm the only one doing it."

Why do you want to marry someone that will treat you like this? If you think marriage will make everything thing better then you are in for a rude awakening, it will not be better it will get worse Unless you work together to fix whatever issues you are having now.

I don't know when the wedding is but I suggest some couples counseling before you seal the deal, learn to communicate with each other in a honest mature way (that is not ignoring, hateful or mean). If he doesn't want to work this out and take the necessary steps to fix things... Don't marry him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 11:05pm

Welcome to the board kaelys_momma,


Either he's getting cold feet and feels he's losing something due to the responsibility of the baby, you, moving in, getting married.