I Just Want Something Honest
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| Tue, 02-05-2008 - 5:49pm |
Hi, I've been a lurker for some time and just really would like some honest opinions. So here's the thing:
I've been with my fiance for about 5 years now, living together for 3 years and engaged about a year. Recently, I found out that he has been flirting with some girl in his office. He was acting disengaged from me and I just had a gut feeling. I checked his email and there it was - some innocent flirting. Which I didn't really care about it until I read an inappropriate comment about him wanting to fool around with her. I called him out on it and told him to knock it off one, and two, to give me some space. He apologized, said he didn't mean it, that it was some ego boost he was searching for and that he was flattered that she had this crush on him. I find out later that he ends up meeting up with this girl for coffee later that week and apparently, to her, flirts again and she wants to know is this something he seriously wants to pursue with her. He apologizes to her, saying that it was out of line and no, it isn't something that he wanted to pursue. Somehow they get into a conversation about our relationship and how the thing that we're lacking is what he really wants with me, not with anyone else. The reason why I find this out is because he seemed distracted and guilty for that week and the next. I ask him what's going on and he tells me that story. He tells me he loves, wants me, wants to get married but I just can't get over that comment and what he was doing. I don't like him not being honest until he gets called out and I don't like he had this conversation about our relationship with someone he was flirting with.
I do have trust issues and am just freaked out about getting married. I know enough that those issues can be skewing what I think of this situation. I'm not perfect, I can be unfair and expect too much but I don't think asking him to be honest with me is too bad. I especially think him telling me if he has an issue with a part of our relationship is important. At this point, I just don't trust him or anything that he says. He's willing to go to counseling to figure out his part in this and we're sleeping in separate bedrooms right now. I don't know that I can get pass this and I hate to pretend I'm ok when I'm not. Do I really have a problem here or am I looking for a way out because of my fears?
Thanks for any help you can give me.

Welcome to the board sdsmd,
::At this point, I just don't trust him or anything that he says. He's willing to go to counseling to figure out his part in this and we're sleeping in separate bedrooms right now. I don't know that I can get pass this and I hate to pretend I'm ok when I'm not. Do I really have a problem here or am I looking for a way out because of my fears?
Go with him to counseling.
I'm glad to hear you're going to counseling.