I keep finding condoms

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
I keep finding condoms
3
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:42am
My husband and I have been married 21 years with two almost adult children.

After having a period in our marriage with no sex we had a big talk and now have rediscovered each other. Everything seems to be great - with an exception.

On four separate occassions I have found condoms in my husbands pockets. I asked him about them and he replied that he didn't want to talk about it and would leave if I continued.

Since then we have had fantastic sexual experiences together. By the way my husband is always, and I mean, always at home on time, never goes out without me. So he can't have a girlfriend. He does, however, go away, to other countries on business. Last week he went away again and I noticed that three condoms were missing from a box (yes, a box on display in our study). Of course, when he came home I started looking for them (intuition?) and I found them in his car. All three of them. He hadn't used any. My husband is an intelligent man and what man, intelligent or not, leaves condoms lying around? My husband doesn't have the best of nerves so I'm frightened that if I ask him why he has condoms he will just run and leave.

But this is driving me mad. I'm now becoming paranoid and looking everywhere for any kind of evidence. I'll get ill if I continue in this way. Should I confront my husband or try to live with it as he so obvioulsly isn't having an affair 'cos he's always home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:47am
Hmm..I don't think he "so obviously isn't having an affair". He goes to work by himself doesn't he?..goes on business trips right?..ever heard of lunch hour affairs. If you aren't using those condoms, then why does he have them? Something is going on obviously. Him saying to drop it or he'll leave isn't acceptable..it's control. His nerves aren't the best?...too bad!!! Neither are yours having to live like this and question him. I'd talk to him about it and if he uses the "drop it or I'll leave" ultimatium...if I were you, I'd leave.

Sorry but if there were condoms lying around my house, disappearing/reappearing and we don't use them...I'd be all over it and I don't care what issues he has. Maybe his "nerves" would be better if he wasn't hiding something?..hmmm?

Hon, stop trying to talk yourself into believing there is nothing going on...there is. Confront it before it gets worse
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:58am
I agree that you need to confront him on this. Something isn't right. Him expecting you to "drop it or he'll leave" is not an acceptable explanation. Whether you believe it or not, he would have opportunities to have sex outside of your home because of work, business trips, or any other errands he may run. I wouldn't accept his stonewalling tactic. I think you need to push this issue with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:34pm
Marriage is based on trust and communication. Your trust has already had one step out the door and your communication as well. There are ways of approaching the issue with him. You cant out right come out and put him on the spot with the condoms. You have to approach it in a gentle manor obviously with him because this issue is "delicate". You have to sit him down maybe over a glass a wine and tell him how much it hurts you to not communicate with him and how neccisary it is in your relationship. Ask him how much you mean to him and how much it hurts you when you try to talk to him about these delicate issues he threatens hell be out the door. That is not something an innocent man would say. Ask him to tell you something to ease your mind about the issue. Approach him in a loving manor- tell him you trust him however youve been having doubts. Or just plain and simply get rid of his condoms- where ever you find them. Have him approach you on the subject and tell him you should have them because hes obviously not taking good enough care of them by leaving them in his car! And tell him that they are used to protect you anyways so youll make sure they're put in a safe spot. HA! This will get him to open up- trust me! hope I helped- stacy