I know it's over but he won't let go...
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| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:38pm |
The good thing about him is that he loves me deeply and I was his first sexually, emotionally, I was his first girlfriend and he told me that he loves me more than anyone on earth, even his parents, who by the way were crackheads and basically neglected him the whole time he was a child. I know without a doubt that he would never cheat on me but that doesn't matter to me when I think about all the bad things about him. But I just can't stop wondering if I'll ever find someone this devoted to me again.
The problem is that I keep telling him I want a break, we both need to save money and get our sh*t together, but he keeps calling every day telling me he loves me and he wants to change and if I just wait and see that everything will work out and be perfect. But I am too young to be in a relationship that is this messed up. I have a three year old baby and I want to be sure that when I get married, that I can support my son and my husband can support us and any kids we have in the future, and with this man, I'm 99.9% sure that he won't be able to do that. I just think we'll always be poor and bad off. The other thing is that I care deeply about certain issues like politics, abortion, Bush, the death penalty, music, you know, just stuff you think everybody knows and cares about, and this guy has never even heard of Laci Peterson and he doesn't know who Saddaam Hussein is. He has 'heard of him' before. He is impossible to hold a conversation with because he is so flat out dumb. I don't know how I ever let it get this far.
My question is, I know that this is not the person I want to be with forever, but I love him like a best friend, which he is, but I am afraid of what he might do if I break it off. I've mentioned even just yesterday, that we should take a 'break' from each other and try to save up some money and get our heads on straight, because being around him is ruining me, but he always says he loves me and lives his life for me and I wish he would just hate me for one day so I can escape from him. I don't know what to do, but I know I need a man and not a child who I feel like I'm mothering. Please tell me some ideas or opinions on how to break this off without breaking his heart.
Molly

Why do you think you were attracted to him in the first place and stayed with him? Don't you think you deserve better? Doesn't your child deserve a stable environment?
Next, get your act together and go back to school and stop smoking pot.
I know that it hurts to think about not being with him but you can not live your life the way you were living it. If you know that life is not what you want then don't do it. You will regret it and it will be harder to get yourself out a second time.
How long are you parents willing to let you and your son stay there? Hopefully enough time for you to get back on your feet. You can get your own place again but don't let your boyfriend stay there. You don't even have to tell him.
You know you are better than that! Don't ever think that another man will not be devoted to you because there will be one. Trust me. I was in a situation similar to yours and I found a man that is even more devoted to me than my last BF was. I live a completely different life than I was living 2 years ago. This is the life I wanted for myself. If I had stayed with my ex I would be lonely, poor and miserable.
Good luck. Keep us posted!