I left her and it hurts
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|Thu, 12-13-2012 - 11:55am|
As a consequence of a recent post I left my girlfriend. The post was titled "im-not-emotional-punch-bag-or-am-i"
Things came to head last week after my parents visited. I hardly see them as I live in Gemany and they live in England. Even so, the one night when I couldn't ride to her work to ride back with her (because i was cooking a lentil soup and cleaning the rabbits and waiting in for my parents and had a puncture) resulted in a big fight because I had promised we'd spend some time together. The fact is, I didn't have the time to go, gave her plenty of warning, couldn't exactly leave my parents in the cold, and had a puncture so would have had to walk for about 30 mins there and 30 minutes back.
Despite this, she gave me such a hard time and was pretty nasty to me about it all. In the end she started threatening the end of the relationship which has become a real constant over the last year.
So.. on Thursday morning of last week, the night after she had made this threat (including "when can you move out?, can you do it tomorow?") and then she decided to spend the night at a female friends house, i decided i couldn't take enough of this. A few friends mentioned a web site which is about emotional abuse in a relationship. It sounds like a pretty classic case. I gathered my things and moved out. Now I'm dealing with the relationship meltdown. Fingers crossed. I love this girl so much and miss her. But I feel like I was mistreated and can't take it. Such a shame. Ironically, she's now telling me she didn't mean all this stuff about me going and wants me to come back. But I have to let this go. :(
There were some wonderful times in the relationship. We had a connection. But the bad times, the anger, jealousy, controlling, isolation from friends/family, isolation from going out, pressure to run around after her, walking on egg shells, just became to much. In the end I thought of her as a kind of Jekyll and Hide. I tried my hardest to nurture the Jekyll and lived in fear of the Hyde. I read somewhere about unconditional love, and giving love even if your partner is horrible to you. But I can't do it. I can't live like that. I think there's only so far that unconditional love can take you. You can't unconditionally love someone who treats you this way? Surely.