I lied about who I've been with...help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
I lied about who I've been with...help!!
10
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 3:32pm

So sorry this is long...but I really need some advise from someone...


So I have been with my boyfriend for about 15 months now, and we both see marriage in our future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2007
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 5:52pm
I honestly don't think it is your bf's business who you have been with. It is in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. Your previous experiences made you into the person he loves today. I see no reason to bring this up with him if he is that freaked out about hearing about any exes you had. Some people are very open to hearing about their S.O's past and others are not. However, if you really feel that you can not keep it from him then I guess you have to tell him. You could say that you omitted it because you did not want to upset him ( though there is nothing to be upset about).It isn't like you told him you had been with one guy and you had really been with 25.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 5:53pm

Welcome to the board rubberbucket,


I don't think you should tell him unless there is chance that he could fing out from someone else. Telling him won't do anything expect cause him to lose trust in you which I know you don't want.


Honestly, though, he shouldn't be bothered by the number of people you slept with that. That is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. Just because you might have had more partners shouldn't make you a bad person.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 7:53pm

'It's

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 3:19am

>>Seriously if your boyfriend is that jealous and you are that freaked out then I would seriously look at couples counseling long before marriage<<


Ciao_gina, I usually agree with you but on this point I have to differ.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 3:31am

Rubberbucket, I'm so sad that you regret Shawn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:31pm

I didn't write that as a matter of fact that applied to everyone, it was just a general idea where I could relate to it. I should have clarified I guess.

Yeah my boyfriend can be insecure and jealous at times, but so are a lot of people. I didn't mean for anyone to get the feeling that it was an out of control problem; he just doesn't like to talk about either of our exes and thats all. It doesn't ever play into who I choose to hang out with or talk to because he really does trust me. And this in no way translates into us needed counseling...why would it? I wasn't freaking out about the situation, I simply wanted to know what someone else would do if they were in my shoes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:42pm

Welcome to the board rubberbucket,


I'm kind of confused on why you think you lied....


He didn't really ask me but just said

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 12:46pm

true.blue.strine...I don't its a matter of hating the real me or loving the person I'm not. I'm still me regardless, its just that I omitted something I should have told him. And I'm not considering counseling, theres no reason to...we have a great relationship and he does trust me, it was just in the beginning that I could tell he would need a little more time to trust me with his feelings and emotions. And I agree that if we did need counseling, we weren't right for each other anyway.

...and I think everyone should have this conversation...thats why I'm a little distraught about what I left out. And I would disagree about it being "an American thing" not to. I've lived in the states all my life and I have never ever heard of us, as Americans, being less likely to tell our partner who we've slept with....in fact I think its just the opposite. I was always lead to believe it was a pretty mandatory thing if you were going to be intimate with someone else regardless of where you live. Of course it varies from couple to couple; if you are with someone who doesn't care to know that information, its not because they are from America, its because thats just who they are and thats fine. But I was just under the impression that it was common knowledge here in America to tell rather than not to.




Edited 2/2/2008 1:03 pm ET by rubberbucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 8:05pm

If your anything like me....you ask others opinions BUT you have to do what you feel is right.


This is eating you up.


I think it is silly really because it was when you were 16, I would just forget about it, there should never be a reason to bring it up and maybe when you are both comfortable with each other years from now you tell him how silly this was.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 10:16pm

Ok, I'm really confused now.