I love him but.....
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I love him but.....
| Mon, 03-23-2009 - 11:48am |
Hey. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months now . And I'm crazy about him. Head over heels in love with him but we're contantly fighting. Every day there's a new problem and it seems like we're not getting anywhere or sorting anything out because we can't agree on anything. I really want it to work but I need help making that happen. I love him and I don't want to loose him but we can't keep going the way we're going. Neither of us are happy and something deffinetly needs to change. I can't take anymore of the crying, stress and worrying. Help!!!!!!!

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If you are having fights and troubles this early into the relationhip, you are doing yourself a favor by letting this guy go. This is who he is and take it as a warning. He's probably your first taste of love and relatoinships, so keep in mind you have a whole life in front of you.
No need to stay in a relationship where theres' stress, crying and worrying!
I've been with my guy for 8 months too, and it has not even been 0.01% of what you are describing! If I had stress, crying and worrying, I would let this guy go pronto. This is a sign that things are only going to get worse, trust me.
Throw him back in the sea. Sure you love him, but he is not right for you. I know the pain probably makes you think he's the one for you, but don't believe that. He's not right for you. He should be making you happy not fighting...
Welcome to the board xxhayleybabyxx,
I have to agree with the advice you've already been given.
Can't we try and fix the problems instead of just giving up? We really do love each other.
Sure, but it takes two mature individuals willing to work on it together even if that means taking the tests in the first book I recommended, taking a communications class together and/or going to counseling together.
We are both willing to do anything to make this work.
Most of the fights have been because.....
- He gets jealous really easily and I'm a bit of a flirt, well I wouldn't even say flirt..I have alot of guy friends...I'm a touchy, feely person. To me it's not flirting...I'm just really friendly..I get along really well with my guy friends...I understand why he thinks its flirting and maybe if he acted the same why I act it would bother me too..I dont know to be honest. I try not to upset him but I don't want to change who I am either.
- He has a short temper. He tries REALLY hard with me to stay calm. I know he does. I can tell. He knows how much it upsets me and I know he's trying his best which is all I'm asking for. Not asking for perfection just asking for his best. So anyway he's the kind of person who'll just be a hundred percent honest when we're arguing. He might raise his voice a bit, dosn't stay as calm as I do. Lets it all out. Feels ten times better and then he's ready to
Your feelings for one another are strong but they aren't enough to make your problems disappear. You are very young to be committing to someone you can't get along with. I understand you truly love him - Unfortunately love does not conquer all, it does not make two people stop fighting, it does not overcome jealousy or resent. These are valuable things that many people do not learn until much later in life. One of the most important things in a relationship is bringing out the best in one another - If you two are perpetuating negative traits then that is just a signal that while this relationship may have lots of strong feelings, it's not the right one. If you cannot have harmony in a relationship, naturally, without having to change, then you will be in for a very sad future with this person.
I know you want a list of things you can do to fix your relationship, but sometimes people just aren't the right fit.
With as much cheating that has gone on no wonder he doesn't trust you and he's jealous. And the fact that you are still tempted. Being independent and wanting time with your friends, even alone time is normal too, but since you've cheated it's no wonder that he doesn't like it when you take that time for yourself. You like the attention of other men, normal, but when you cross the line and make it physical, well, I'd say you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship.
As I said, it takes two mature individuals. First questions all couples should ask themselves is 'do I trust this person?' if not, you are with the wrong person.
Sometimes our friends can see things that we can't see.
Loving someone isn't enough especially if you are having to 'work on not cheating'. If you are looking for sex/attention/affection from other guys, you need to get inside your head and know what makes you tick, what motivates you. What you need that you aren't getting from him. If you are using the attention of other guys to boost your self-esteem, it won't work for long, hence more cheating. Self-esteem and self-worth come from inside you. You have to meet that need for yourself.
At your age, you should be dating and having fun so you don't have to worry about cheating.
You guys have a very good understanding of each other, have strong feelings and a lot of love, thats very clear.the problems that are there are very much workable but immatuarity is playing the devil!
Before you throw it away , i too would suggest that you ask for help from someone elder to you to intervene and talk it out for both of you.If not, then both of you sit together and talk out in an easy possible manner as possible. last thing to do would be assuming what the other thinks/wants/needs.So, bring them on the table and see where you reach.
Give your best.If it doesnt work out then it wasnt meant to be.
Good Luck
Dont rush,take it easy and slow.
"faithful girlfriend he deserves but I'm finding it very difficult and I have come close to messing up again"
Can you tell us about this?
Are guys coming up to you and you feel the need to comply with them if they hit on you?
Do you find you would like to date other guys? Or just kiss the cute ones?
His short temper is a big red flag to me.
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