I love him but it's not working!
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-17-2004 - 11:23pm |
I recently moved to Israel. After a few days I met someone who I had once met back home. We started off as friends and I then got interested in him and we got together.
He is totally different to anyone I have ever dated before - in looks, in situation, in mentality which is kind of a shock to the system. He is kind and sweet and the relationship between us was so loving and affectionate, that I really felt wonderful. he is the only one I have considered sleeping with from an emotional point of view. I don't know what love is but when I told him I loved him, he is the only one it sounded real with.
After a few months here, i started to get very depressed. I stopped enjoying learning the language, I fought with my new flatmate (I am used to living in my own appartment back home), I feel homesick and miss my friends. I feel I am starting from zero again.
For various reasons, I feel the move to Israel was a positive one. I desperately needed to make a change from my hometown for a lifestyle choice - but i am undergoing culture shock. I am very depressed, not sleeping and crying all the time. Going home is not the solution though. I want to at least try and improve things here.
I stopped feeling good in the relationship - I normally get panicked and scared but this is even more scary because it has been so intense. I still love him and feel for him but we saw each other almost everyday for months and now everything has kind of fizzled. I still desperately want to be with him but i need a break. I don't know if this is part of the depression but I feel I need to be alone right now and giving him all my emotional trauma and rollercoaster ride isn't fair on him and is really hurting him.
How can I make things go better. he is such a good person adn I am going to lose the best thing that has happened to me. Is it a good idea to take a break and sort my head out about everything.

I really feel for you, its such a horrible situation to be in. I think a break would be a good idea. You dont have to split up with him, just take some time out for yourself. I'm sure your boyfriend would understand. He seems very lovely and caring and i'm sure he will support you through it. Is it possible for you to go home for a few weeks to see you friends and family? It might be just what you need and will help you de-stress.
Hope things work out.
x
But your post made me think of a few things:
Every where you go, there you are.
Happiness comes from within, not from another person, place or thing (or location).
You weren't happy where you were with your life so you moved, thinking change would do you good. But that same unhappiness followed you after an initial period of infatuation with a new place, new people and even a new language.
My guess is that even if you break up with him, you won't be happy. Time for some serious soul searching.
Carrie
hugs! i also live in israel, and even tho i've lived here most of my life, its a difficult place to live in. in addition to every other problem - language, culture, economy - there is the added dimension of terrorist attacks ( i don't know where you live, but the fear is in most places)
regarding your BF: I understand that you want to be with him, i am just wondering if this is just "too much" for you right now, on top of everything else.
here are some suggestions that are specific to israel:
1. i am just assuming that you are living in one of the major cities. contact your local AACI offices, if you haven't done so already. they have been helping newcomers frm the US/canada for the past 40 years or so, and they can give you advice, counseling, culture shock, etc.
2. there are loads of social groups/synagogues that are specifically geared towards anglos/singles. they are usually listed in the jerusalem post weekend supplements (like "in jerusalem"). if you belong to a synagogue - ask about getting invited for meals on the weekends. most synagogues have some kind of 'program' in place.
3. there are also loads of volunteering experiences and that is also a great way to spend your time and energy and meet new and nice people.
llet me know if i can help.