I love him...should I tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
I love him...should I tell him?
6
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 1:24pm
My best friend is Alex. We go to college together and our friends call us "Harry and Sally" because we're very close and have a very special bond. The thing is, I have been in love with him from the moment I saw him.

When Alex and I first met, we had a more sexual than platonic relationship, even though we never had sex. As we got to know each other better, we realized that our bond was much deeper than sexual attraction and he started calling me his best friend.

As the year progressed, our bond became even stronger. We stayed up all night talking and laughing and drinking. He became something of a hero to me, since he was always there for me when I was too drunk or too depressed or too stressed. He rescued me from creepy guys at parties and stood up for me when they harassed me. One night, a guy slipped something in my drink. I ended up having a bad reaction to it, and Alex took me home and held me in his arms until I came down from it. It was inevitable that I would fall even harder.

This past winter, I made the mistake of confessing my love to him while I was totally and completely wasted. He gently told me that he didn't see our relationship in a romantic way anymore and I was heartbroken. I thought our friendship was ruined. Alex, however, as a true friend, told me that he was willing to ride off my feelings as a drunken mistake and forget about the whole thing. Since I didn't want to lose him, I agreed.

As spring came along, we became even better friends and spent even more time together. One night, we were in his room and he began to play my favorite song on the guitar. I was surprised because I had only told him once, long ago, that I loved that song. He said he had been learning to play it ever since. I was so touched that I kissed him quickly on the mouth. I didn't think he would respond to it, but he set his guitar down and wrapped me up in a passionate kiss that lasted for the rest of the night.

Since then, every time we get together we end up getting very passionate with each other. After a big fight last month, I confessed that I couldn't stand him being mad at me. We ended up having amazing sex, to the great delight of our friends (they found out when I accidentally left my phone in his room and he answered my calls). To quote the movie "When Harry Met Sally" things like "They did it!" and "Finally!" were being said all week. Unlike Harry and Sally, though, we held each other and kissed all night after we had sex. Things had progressed much more than I expected them to.

BUT...as for the big question...should I tell Alex that I love him(sober)? I'm afraid he'll have the same answer for me as the first time and I'll just be heartbroken again. What should I do? Is it worth the risk or should I just move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 4:38pm
If you love him than take the chance and tell him, when your sober, if he feels the same way right on if not than you'll at least know where you stand and you won't always be thinking "what if"

Good luck

opsicle

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 10:12am
I don't know if you should necessarily profess "love" to him. Love may be a bit too much too soon since you only recently began having sex. How about just asking if the 2 of you can try actually 'dating'? You've made out and had sex, but that doesn't mean he sees the 2 of you as a couple. I think you should first define your relationship with him. Are you bf and gf now? Just "friends with benefits"?

I also think that if he does NOT want a relationship, you need to cut off the sexual contact. You will only get hurt in the end.

On the upside, he may see things the way you do - that the 2 of you are meant to be.

Best of luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 10:22am
I think you should talk to him about what is happening. You don't have to be dramatic about it or even mention the love. Ask him what it means to him to kiss you passionately and what he wants out of the friendship now. Tell him you have feelings for him and can't make out with a guy casually.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 7:27pm
I think you should have a casual talk about your relationship if you can bring it up easily. Take it slow.

Wait for him to say I love you first - that is too dramatic for you to say first for where you are now. Take each day as it comes and do not worry about the future - enjoy what you have now and let it unfold on its own.

As an aside, some time apart tends to help guys see how much you mean to them. Don't choke the relationship too soon. Give it room to breathe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 2:14pm
Thanks everyone. I'll keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 5:35pm
Take the risk. You will never know until you tell him. You two seem to have a special bond and something that you owe to yourself to see if your relationship can be taken to the next level. Although it is a scary risk to put your heart out to someone and risk it being broken, in your situation the possible future is worth the risk. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.