I love my man more than he loves me-poo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
I love my man more than he loves me-poo
3
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:02pm

I apologize in advance for the long post....

My man and I have been dating a year. We are both 34, never married, no kiddos. I've moved in with him in late December. We get along GREAT. He's sweet. I acts like he loves me. Treats me sweet. We've been on 2 week long vacations together that have been out of this world awesome. We don't fight. We are both VERY laid back. He is an engineer. I am a gymnastics coach.

I am going to post the email I wrote my friend... since she didn't email me back I am searching for advice.

"Yesterday was our 1 year anniversary. NO BIG deal to Jake... nada! Nothing!

I emailed him last week and asked if we were going to go to dinner or something to celebrate. He emailed me back that he was thinking we should do something did I have any ideas. I emailed him, "let’s fly to Cancun ". Yesterday I had a photo shoot in the morning and he helped a friend so some stuff around his house. Then our friends Troy and Holly came over. I drank 2.5 wine coolers. They all drank much more. Troy and Holly left, Jake and I took a nap. Then we got up and I planted some plants we bought the day before. He helped me. While we were doing this I said nicely, "hey we were supposed to go to dinner or something tonight." He said, "we were???? Well, let's go." He TOTALLY forgot. I know he's a man... I know they are like that but OUCH! Yesterday meant NOTHING to him. NOTHING.

So I calmly told him how I felt... I was angry, sad and shocked. Then I went and read in the pool. Then took a shower. He sat on his chair did NOTHING.

I wrapped his pic (what I got him for our 1 year).

Then I gave him the pic with the card. My card said that my favorite part of the day was seeing him. That he was very special and I loved him very much.

We were sitting on the couch. I turned to him and said, "we are in different places with us aren’t we." He just starred at me. Then I said, "you know where I am. I may not have told you verbally, but I have emailed you and given you cards." Where are you? He said, "non committal". First I wanted to RUN out the door. Non committal. What the F is that! This conversation was all very calm... and SLOW.... and tearful... not crying, but tearful, on both ends.

Let's see... I don't remember exactly, but this is what I remember

I asked him if he loved me and he said, "he thought so." LOL, he f-ing thinks so.

After a bit I said that I cant' believe that I have been dating a guy a year that doesn't love me. He said that that is not what he said. Then somewhere in all this he said he loved me. At one point he got all teary and said he's been burned before. I gave him a hug and told him I was sorry. (Did I mention this all sucked donkey sh**!)

Let's see.. what else....

He said that he just wasn't sure if I was "the one". I told him that I am not asking him to get married RIGHT NOW, I just needed to know how he felt.

I asked him why he didn't communicate much. He said he's always been like that.

I asked him why I lived here if he didn't know... Like what are we doing then??!!??? He said I wouldn't have lived here if I didn't get kicked out of Georges. I told him that I was about to get an apartment and that I could move out if that is what he wanted. Then I said, "I thought that you asked me to move in with you cuz you wanted me to live with you?" He said, "I did." So that was contradictory.

There was a LOT of down time in conversation.

Then at the end of the conversation he said… “so what do you want? A ring.”

I said, “no, that is not what I am saying…. But someday would be nice.”

After a bit I got up to brush my teeth… when I got up I said, “I feel like a total idiot.” He said, “why” and I said, “just do” I didn’t tell him, but I feel like a f-ing idiot because I love him more than he loves me and it makes me feel like a FOOL! A fricking FOOL!

We got in bed. It was DARK. I didn’t turn the TV on. My head was spinning. He asked if I was OK. I said yes. He said good… just as long as you are here when I get home from work tomorrow. That’s when I LOST IT! Just started bawling. Good thing that didn’t last long. He hugged me and said we were going to be OK. We held hands a while. He had his arm around me a bit… then he went to sleep. I got up to take drugs to help me sleep. He asked if I was OK.

Then here we are…..

Sh*t….."

Update since Sunday: Monday he was very nice. He kept kissing me when he got home from work... sweet kisses. I tried very hard to be normal. I was a bit sad though. Yesterday was pretty normal. Right now I feel so needy. Like I need him to be into me. I am trying not to act that way to him.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading.... I know it was LONG!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:04am

I've got to be honest, you're twisting his words and making many assumations here.

First up, I'm glad my husband doesn't react like you do when I forget our anniversary each year! Ours is celebrated on a holiday, which should make it even more difficult to forget, but I still do. Some people just aren't into anniversaries...but it doesn't mean they're not into their partners.

He's "non committal". Yes, it's a weird way of saying how he feels, but Sweetie, he's an ENGINEER! No offence to Engineers (and tech heads, maths gurus and actuarials) but often they're not the type to be great with words. These people often have really developed left brains, but can be lacking in right brain function. If you want a guy who's great with words, find yourself an artistic right brain kinda guy.

I can understand that he's not sure where he is with you at present. As it was, he appeared to be taking things slowly. But when you've turned a forgotten anniversary into a major drama which continued on into mis-quotes and criticisms...he's now very likely to be privately going through the pros and cons of having a relationship with you.

At this point, you'd be best to take a deep breath and calm down. And ride it out till you can look at the situation objectively. Then figure out if he's the guy for you.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:16am

Thank you so very much for replying. I appreciate your thoughts!!!

I don't think I'm wigging out over him not remembering or caring about the 1 year thing.

I am scared to death that he doesn't want to be with me. SCARED!!!!!! I love him! I love being with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:47am

>>I don't think I'm wigging out over him not remembering or caring about the 1 year thing.<<

I'm not sure what "wigging out" means (I'm not American), but from the way you write, it sounds as though all these worries are a very new thing for you - triggered by the forgotten anniversary.

Wait till you get past the anniversary issue, then see how you feel.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace