I Love You?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
I Love You?
16
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 2:16pm
Is their a problem if my boyfreind of 1 year still hasn't told me he loves me?

He told me it might take him some time, but if he didn't see a future with me he wouldn't be with me. My concern is, how long ahould I wait - a year can be a short time or a long time.

I did bring it up a couple of time in our relationship but I had been drinking!

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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 2:19pm
I don't know if there is a problem or not, but the fact that he has told you directly that if he didn't see a future with you, he wouldn't be with you shows that he is serious. I think that in general, the way he treats you is more important than what he says to you. ANYBODY can tell another person they love them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 2:57pm
I agree that Actions Speak LOUDER than words, however, isn't a year quite a long time to not say those magic words to a woman... Vote here? I think if you don't know in 1 year, you may never know...

JMHO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:46pm

The way this guy treats you is going to speak louder than saying I love you all of the time.If he treats you well, makes you happy- thats what should be important.Maybe he's a little shy about saying those words and will come around in time.


If he's just an all - around- kinda- guy-not-to -show- his-affection-for- you, you may want to re think being with him, people are who they are, its hard to change someone.


 

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:49pm
I don't know. I've never seen them as the magic words or put much importance on them. I don't think that saying "I love you" and loving a person are really all that connected.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 3:52pm
A year is forever or not enough depending on who you are talking to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 4:56pm
Actions speak louder than words: I agree with that. However, making an effort to say "I love you" once in a while, if you know it means so much for your GF, counts as an action as well. While I hate sappy 'Hallmark' sentimentalism, I would not be with my BF if in a year he had never said he loved me. While talk of love is not sufficient, as far as I am concerned it is (once in a while) necessary to a good relationship. We took our time (3/4 months) before saying that, so it's not like I pushed him. I wanted us to be ready for that. Both of us. However, my hunch is, if you are not ready in a year, you will never be. I may be wrong. after all this is just MHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 5:19pm
Does he 'show' you that he loves you?

Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


Carrie

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 5:44pm
I waited for those words for 18 months, and then I started saying them and he responded. It is now four years down the road and he says them, but I will always wonder when or if he would have ever said them on his own with real passion. I still do not feel he is "in love" with me. So, I guess I really do think that if he hasn't said it after a year, he may just not ever have those deep feelings. I will never again make the "mistake", in my opinion, of saying it first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 5:54pm

Great, so you will never say it first and what if he has had the same experience and you both never say it?


Listen, the words are just words, and yes saying the words is an action, but if he is not comfortable saying it, but you can FEEL loved by him then you know he loves you even if HE isn't ready to put that label on it yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allaine1977
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 9:32pm
Is there something stopping you from saying it? Is it a requirement of the man to say it first in your book?

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