I luv him but he wants proof

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
I luv him but he wants proof
3
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:31pm
Is there anyway possible for a woman to show a man she loves him by not just telling him that? My boyfriend is an "actions speak louder than words" kind of guy and as much as I tell him I love him and I am happy with him, he always tells me he feels like he isn't loved enough, that I need to show him, prove to him I love him. To do something unique different, nothing like what I ever did in my past relationships or just with any other guy. The thing is my last boyfriend had past away 2 years ago, time has passed and now I found my current boyfriend who is unbelivably wonderful. He just always tends to feel like he is second best and that my past relationships was better and nothing can compare. He says he always feels like he is in competition,always wondering and thinking if I were more happy before. I never have felt so much happier in love and in life as I do now ever since I met my boyfriend, how can i "show" him that? also it makes it hard because we are in a long distance now for about 1 month so far. I feel like I'm losing the best love I always wanted and I'm afraid. pls help
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 7:12pm
Okay you need a new guy. What the hell is he talking about? I admit I've told my husband that he needs to show me he loves me, because who wants someone to just robotically say "I love you" and then not take you out or hold your hand, or hold you...you know? Thats what I meant when I said show. Showing love shouldn't have to be a circus act. Showing love is being there for your partner, listening to them, confiding in them, being faithful, holding them...and doing spur of the moment things for them. For example, sometimes I'll make my husband breakfast and serve it to him with the sports page when he wakes up. Or (since we are broke) he'll draw a picture of flowers with an "I love you" and put it in my purse. It's the little things, which I'm sure you do, and the way you feel with someone that shows love. The fact that he thinks you have to create some 3 ring cirus to show your love for him is a bad sign.

It sounds like you've been through a lot, and you deserve someone who isn't insecure and jealous and demanding. Because although you think he's a great guy...and I'm sure he is, he's TOO insecure to be in a relationship and he needs to work on that. If you are loving him and being there for him and he still can't seem to get the "proof" he needs, that's his problem and his insecurities that he probably needs counseling for. I doubt you'll take the advice to break up with him, but at least think about it. Why do you need someone in your life that is trying to make you PROVE something that should just be felt through small simple actions. In the end it will just make you feel usless and not good enough and your self image will suffer.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 2:06am
I remember these stories on the 6 o'clock news and they all had the same sentence in them. "prove you love me and kill my wife. prove you love me and we can commit suicide together. prove you love me and steal the money from your mom. prove you love me and slash your face." There are others too. No matter what you do it will NEVER be enough. He has emotional problems that no amount of love can help. The problem is his and it will eventually exhaust you and drag you down. Until he gets help he will never feel secure with you or anyone else. You may love him but maybe the seperation is the best thing right now. He probably is finding a way to convince himself that you wanted it this way. Nothing you say could convince him that your not happier this way. I'm no shrink so I can't tell you what would be the wisest thing to do. Just knowing that it's not you that's the problem is the best I can do. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:46pm
Yep, there are many ways to show love...

Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman

A woman once said her father never told her that he loved her....after she read this book, she realized that her father loved her or he wouldn't be out at 5am working on her car when it broke down.


Carrie