I messed up realy good -=- help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
I messed up realy good -=- help
5
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 12:10pm
First off, I have been dating my 20 yr old boyfriend for seven months and in seven days it will be eight. Everything has gone well and we have both been happy. However, a few months ago, he was very drunk and at a party and he hooked up with a girl. Apparently they only made out for a while then he was like I have to go and left suddenly. He told me that night and I did get upset but got over it fairly quickly even though I was hurt.

Now that he is home for the summer and away from me I was worried that somethign like that would happen again. Yet, recently a friend of mine came out to (who is as appealing to me as my bf but still appealing) and it kind of made my bf jealous because he was afraid something might happen. I assured him no because I like my bf more and I normally have the self control to say no because my bf is more important to me.

Then, two days ago my friend hosts a party and I was invited. It was pretty fun but I got extremely drunk, probably drunker than I have ever been before. The night ended with my vomiting due to the drinks and actually being sick which made me really really sick and I just needed sleep. So my friends were hanging out with me and brought me to my friend's (the one that hosted) room to sleep. I passed out but I woke up alittle later to find him sleeping in the bed with me and he was playing with my hair. I know i shouldnt have let that happen but I was to ill and tired to do anything and passed out again.

Next, I was woken up by a differetn people that kicked me out of the room. I then voimted it again and this time my friend and someone else hung out in the bathroom again. They said I was sooo pale I looked like i was dead and I just wanted to sleep. So my friend brings me to a different room and said lets go to bed. I got semi undresseed because I was going to bed and layed on the floor. Again, he started to play with my hair asking me if im ok. I said i just wanted to sleep and hes said thats cool. But, as he played with my hair he started to inch towards me and kept talking to me. Finally i realized in the darkness he was almost face to face with me and he started to kiss me and then started to touch my shoulder/arm/stomach etc. We started to kiss a lot and i guess I grabbed him too. It ended up with hands going everwhere (i mean everywhere) but after a while I said I couldnt do this and could we just go to sleep. He said yes and I passed out again.

THen, in the morning I woke up and felt like crap because of my bf. I got home and called my best friend. He said it seemed like I was taken advantage of because I wasnt just drunk but I was so drunk and so sick it didnt seem like I could have resisted even if i wanted to. I kinda agree but I still wish I said no to my friend.

I then called my bf and told him. He was not at all happy with me. He told me what I did was so much worse then what he did (which i guess is true) and I asked if it would ruin things for us and he said "nope" but I know he is extremly mad. I asked if I could call alter and he said sure but then later he said lets not talk about what you ddint do. lets not talk about what you did do. lets just not talk. not talking is good. and we havent spoken since.

I am really upset because I really want things to work out and I dont know what to do. Did my friend take advantage of me or was it just a drunken hookup. I forgave my bf quickly and worked things out because there isnt much he could say or do that i couldnt work out with him, do you think he should give me another chance?

comments?

thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 12:25pm
Wow...I am not a person that should be giving advice but I have to say that the honesty that you showed deserves to be commended. I think you and your bf need to talk this out..face to face not over the phone. He is probably confused and hurt (like you were). He may just need sometime to think. If you love him dont give up. And yes you were taken advantage of by your friend. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 1:10pm
id love to talk to him face to face but he is 2 hours away and home for the summer from school and Im well not there.

I wanted to tell him because i hoped that showed i care enough to tell him

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 9:08pm
Maybe your Bf just needs some time to get over his pain. Like the other poster

said , your honesty is very commendable. Most people aren't that honest. Things

would have been much worse had your Bf found out from someone else. It's much

better that he heard it straight from you. So , maybe after some time to think it

through , he'll be able to move past it. As a side note - If I were you , I'd be

setting your "friend" straight about how he took advantage of you. It wasn't

right , and I'm sure he knows it. Good luck.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 7:33pm

Hi Crew, I was just lurking around and saw this post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 2:45pm
Thanks guys, heres how everything is going so far.

We talked it out and he went from trying to get over but then would slip back into anger and make me feel like crap. He said he wants to break up and not see each other for the summer. But then he came up and visited. He still wants a break to do whatever he wants and I guess i have to agree to that.

He went out for coffee with some guy that he talked to online and i dont think it was for anything but to just hang out. However then he goes off and starts hanging out with his ex boyfriend who i do not like because of petty jealousy and the fact hes better looking than I am. so now they are just talking about bfs and stuff and i dont know, im annoyed but what can i do. he says its not gonna go anyway but im still finding myself having a hard time calming down