i miss my family....
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| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 2:02pm |
Well, we recently moved from our apartment to a house that he bought and my homesickness has gotten worse. I think this is because I have been alone almost all the time since we moved. He has always worked nights, but we used to be together on his days off. Now he is working more to afford the mortgage and our bills. When we do have time together, he has family over to see the house or he has things to do. I am so incredibly lonely. I've brought this up and he says I'm making him feel guilty for taking care of us. He says I'm being a baby.
There have been times that I have been so lonely that I wanted to pack up my stuff and go back to Connecticut (but that would mean quitting school, which I do not want to do). This past weekend, my parents came to visit and it was like everything was back to normal. He gets along really well with my family and we all had a great time. We were hugging and cuddling and being nice to each other. It showed me that we do still love each other.
I'm trying to decide whether to stay and hope we can work things out or go back home to my family (who I am very close to) and finish up school there. I love my boyfriend, but I'm just not happy. I plow through school and work, then come home and lay in bed. I used to work out and go out and do stuff, but I just don't feel like it now.
I also wonder if I should have taken some time to be independent before moving in with him. Any thoughts would be appreciated...

Personally I think you have done something very brave and independant by moving so far away to go to school. Did you move there JUST for school or to be with him????
I dont think your a baby because you miss you family. Sounds like his are close by and involved in his life. He is not trying to be understanding of your feelings right now. Explain that you appreciate it that he is busting butt to pay the rent (do you work at all??? or contribute to the bills???) and that you dont BLAME him for your being lonely, but that you are from a close family and your just having a little adjustment period. Not acknowledging the others feelings as real - or just dismissing them as he is, is not a great way to handle things. He needs to listen - and you need to realize that this is real life. He has to work and be out and gone to support the home. He has just as much a desire to be with his friends and family as you do.
Suggestions:
Do go out....you said you use to MAKE yourself spend some time out and about doing whatever it is you enjoyed previously.
Set up a date night and/or day - for just you two -no family and/or friends aloud. You dont even have to go out - order in dinner, rent a movie and have "naked movie night". Tried it once - we didnt get to the end of the movie until the next am...lol. But we concentrated on each other. OR have a "no-tv" night. Play board games or just talk. We have the book 100 Questions... can be interesting and fun debating and discussing each others thoughts.
OR - plan an evening out with some close friends...
Basically - schedule some fun.....
IF this doesnt work. IF you dont think your gonna make it. IF, IF, IF
No one can tell you what you should do....
If you want to go home, go
PlayNICE
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
I do contribute to our bills, but I only work part-time so it is not much. I buy our groceries, pay for my internet, and pay my car payment, plus buy anything I need for myself (clothes, contacts, school books, etc.)
I do understand that he has to work and I appreciate what he does. I think the hardest part is that when we are together, we just snap at each other or sit in silence instead of talking and cuddling. I've come to feel like we're roommates instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. I actually feel more lonely and upset when he is home than when I'm home alone. I have even asked myself if I really love him or if I'm just used to being with him.
And I really miss my family. I have a great relationship with my parents and my sister is my best friend. My life just doesn't seem right without them around all the time.
Thank you for your suggestions; I plan to try them. I do want to make this work if I can.
If you want to see a change in him, you have to change how you react - like making home comfortable when he does come home - make a nice dinner, be supportive - give more of what you want to get.
Ask him about a date night once a week for the two of you.
Reading material:
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
If you were back home, what things would you do to fill your evenings (with or without a boyfriend)? Start doing them in your new town. Visit www.craigslist.org for meeting other singles with the same interests.
Carrie
I used to work out and go out and do stuff, but I just don't feel like it now.
This is what needs to change, not how much time your BF spends with you, but you need to put your LIFE in order and stop making it revolve 100% around your school, work and your BF.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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