I need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
I need advice
2
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 3:39am

This is one of the worst nights of my life. DH and I have been fighting alot lately. Today was a bad day, his dog had to be put to sleep. Tonight we got in such a bad fight that he spit on me and then at one point I lightly hit him in the chin because he was in my face and I just wanted him to leave me alone. Then a few minutes later he was saying he hated me and wanted to leave me so I grabbed his backpack and was going to throw some of his clothes in it, I was trying to upset him so he would say he didnt want to leave and he got scared that I was kicking him out so he grabbed me by the throat and picked me up and then held me down on the floor, sitting on top of me. He was threatening to beat me up and I was scared so I started screaming help. He got scared then and was holding his hand over my mouth I tried telling him I couldnt breathe and he just kept telling me to stop yelling. I kept screaming everytime I could get his hand off my mouth and then he hit me in the face really hard twice. Then he realized what happened and started sayying he was sorry and hugging me. He kept apologizing and I asked him to leave but he kept saying lets talk. We started talking, and I said the only chance we had is if he left and we stayed apart for awhile and got some counseling. He was agreeing at one pointbut then he started acting like itwas all my fault so I told him to leave or I would call the police. I one point I dialed 911 but hung up and Ithought it didnt go through. But then the police showed up. It is very obvious that DH hit me, one side of my face looks very deformed. They said that they had enough take us both to jail and take our kid away, and that obviously one of us would get a bigger charge so they asked me if I wanted to him to leave. I said he could take the car and leave for tonight. They kept saying that they cant help me if I dont help myself. I think they wanted me to press charges, I dont know if I should have. They said if they got called back here they would take us both to jail and take away our baby. DH left but he has already called and said he wants to come home. I dont think he can ever come home. I told him no. He says he is very sorry nad we wont fight anymore. I cant believe that we wont fight again. But I am very sad that our 5 year relationship is most likely over, I feel bad for him because he is losing his dog and family in one day. But I am afraid of him and I dont want to live like we were before fighting all the time. I dont know what to do. I cant leave the house, I look so bad, and I know I am going to be sore tomorrow and I will have to deal with DH tomorrow and I have no one to talk to right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: battered
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 3:56am

Welcome to the board battered,


You are doing the right thing by having some time apart in my opinion.


Here's more help:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
In reply to: battered
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 2:12pm
Thanks for the advice. DH is staying with his parents, and i have explained to him how letting him come back could risk us both losing our child. He thinks I am overreacting and he doesnt understand why we cant be a family anymore. I feel sorry for him but the thought of losing my child scares me to death. I called a domestic violence hotline in my area. I go for a new client orientation next week. They will provide for counseling for me. They even said they have group counseling. I dont know if DH will go for it. The girl I spoke to on the hotline was very helpful and explained alot of options I have. DH says he wants to go to AA or anger management or whatever he needs. He says he already decided that he will never drink again because it has ruined his life, but I told him probably wont be that easy. He thinks that we need to do this together as a family. I told him I will be there for him and go with him to these things. He doesnt get why we cant just move back in together.