I need advice....
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I need advice....
| Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:25am |
Here's my story....I've been "friends with benifits" with the same man for five years. In the past, we've always stopped fooling around when either of us was dating someone. Recently, I was visiting him and we were drinking and he confided in me that he loves her and wants to be with her indefinitly, but that he's not ready to settle down and feels he met her too soon. Throughout the night he kept making advances toward me, i kept telling him he would regret it and that it was wrong to do but eventually I gave in. After kissing for a bit he told me he didn't even feel guilty. The next morning we went to breakfast and were talking and he was telling me about how he's thinking of following her to another state if she accepts a new job. He doesn't plan on telling her and he's going to act as if nothing ever happened. However, I don't think that will be the last time we are together. I miss being with him and I don't want to stop being his friend, but as long as we keep in touch, that is the kind of relationship we will have. I also don't want to break up his and his girlfriend's relationship, but can he really love her if he was with me and had no regrets?
I'm just confused and looking for a different point of view, let me know what you think.

I hope things work out for you.
Well, number one, my main question is:are you sure that you only want to be this mans freind,or even "friends with benefits" as you called it, and not something more? That needs to be your first realization. By saying that you miss him being there....and your mention of him wanting to be with this other woman indefinatley, I sense some regret or maybe even a little sadness.Not that your losing a frind, but that your losing something more. I encourage you to distinguish these feelings and decide where to go from there..You never want to thin kback and wonder "what if? Or deal with knowing a couple broke up because of this, and have them be a lasting union.
Second, IF these feelings for him are only "friends" feelings, and nothing more..than I would back off.You dont want him for anything more, and this other woman obviously does- put yourself in her postion.Would you want someone doing this to you?????
Good luck,
::I've been "friends with benifits" with the same man for five years. In the past, we've always stopped fooling around when either of us was dating someone.
So in 5 years, his values and morals have matched yours.... wanting the same thing out of a relationship, etc.
::Recently, I was visiting him and we were drinking and he confided in me that he loves her and wants to be with her indefinitly
Yeah right. That's why he came up with the following excuse:
::but that he's not ready to settle down and feels he met her too soon.
That's a great excuse to justify him making advances to you so he can still have sex with you. If he really loved her and wanted to be with her, he would be with her and be loyal and faithful.
::Throughout the night he kept making advances toward me, i kept telling him he would regret it and that it was wrong to do but eventually I gave in.
Because again, you both have the same values and morals. He's cheating on her with you and she has no clue. And he's using his long-term association with you, his excuse of not being ready to settle down and the timing if off - to justify still sleeping with you. Because he doesn't think he's cheating or being dishonest or disloyal. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Instant gratification, sexual pleasure in the moment without regard to your true feelings for him or for the other girl's.
::After kissing for a bit he told me he didn't even feel guilty.
Because he's not really in love. Hon, he's not in love with you either and probably never will be.
::The next morning we went to breakfast and were talking and he was telling me about how he's thinking of following her to another state if she accepts a new job. He doesn't plan on telling her and he's going to act as if nothing ever happened.
Why? Because he can't stand to be alone or because she's easy to cheat on?
::However, I don't think that will be the last time we are together. I miss being with him and I don't want to stop being his friend,
Because you are hoping he will realize how wonderful you are and fall in love with you and want to be with you. If it hasn't happened by now, it's not going to happen.
::but as long as we keep in touch, that is the kind of relationship we will have
That's is exactly correct! Until you know and believe you deserve better - a full-time, committed relationship with the right person, not Mr. Right NOW, it will stay this way.
::I also don't want to break up his and his girlfriend's relationship,
THEN DON'T!
::but can he really love her if he was with me and had no regrets?
That's his problem. You have to look at your choices and decisions based on your values, morals, etc and decide if you want to continue this way or make a change for your future.
My best to you really, sorry if all this has been harsh.
Carrie
i want to leave my partner cos things are not working at all.and also he's got to know about the other guy too . i've been seeing the other guy for a year now. things are messy between me and my partner cos i believe he never forgives and he doesn't trust me anymore but he loves me so much that he doen't to let me go. but i dont love him.
i need my happiness and with my baby. but i dont want to hurt my partner .sincerely i don want the relationship anymore cos am not happy in it.but i want to settle thing maturedly but he is not ready to let go.
pls what do i do.
worried girl
of course he doesnt regret it...until he gets caught that is.
dont help break up a relationship, the cosmos frown upon that.
what goes around comes around though so do whatever you feel is right.