I need advice badly. 5 year relationship going through a struggle..help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
I need advice badly. 5 year relationship going through a struggle..help!
38
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 5:33am

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

I think you first need to find Obedience Classes for this poor dog.

I strongly urge you not to find a place with your boyfriend yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I agree that it would NOT be wise to move in with your boyfriend. In fact, you should be creating more separation between yourself and his living situation. You have your own place, you should not be burdening yourself with his roommates or his dog because you don't live there. You don't need to have that kind of stress, you're taking it upon yourself unnecessarily.

The pain you feel is from the discord in your relationship, because your boyfriend doesn't understand you. That is very painful. From his perspective, he sees you as moody and irrational because he doesn't understand WHY your moods change. It's not possible for him to please you because he doesn't know what you want and because you can't speak one another's languages.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
Okay thanks for your response, but I have to disagree with your feelings about Pit Bulls. He is not a hopeless case, that is ignorance in the fact that not all pit bulls attack and kill. You actually only hear about it so much because so many young irresponsible kids own these dogs or people who just can't properly take care of them. I'm sorry, but I just get very offended when I hear comments like that. I understand why you feel that way, but it is a misconception society has because of the media. Where I live there is a city nearby called Oakland which is primarily an African American community and it is among one of the most dangerous cities in California. Everyday there are homicides from blacks shooting each other, but I don't go around thinking every black person is a murderer. I love our dog very much which is why I guess that comment gets me upset. It's like your talking about my child.

Anyways I have thought about if my boyfriend and I are just together because we don't want to be alone and in a way that's true, but I also think our relationship would get better if we had our own place together. The only reason we fight is because of where he lives. I also want to get therapy to help with how I communicate and working out my anger and anxiety. Thank you for your response.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Okay. You know what, I don't care about the dog thing. It's irrelevant. I will say that my experience with pit bulls is my 30 year old friend's dog taking a chunk out of her fiance's upper arm.

It sounds like you are the instigator of many of your fights. Your boyfriend has no idea how to interact with you, and you need to figure out what you want from him and how to resolve conflicts without getting too personally offended and without getting angry with one another. I would not move to be with him until you have both demonstrated that you aren't as volatile anymore. If you move in together, the fighting will get worse and more frequent, not better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
DL4eva, I think you are a very responsible pet owner, and I wish with all my heart that this dog were really yours. When you say, " . . . so many young irresponsible kids own these dogs or people who just can't properly take care of them," we both know who bought this dog, right? Pittys are bred to be dog-aggressive, and if they aren't trained to ignore the provocations other dogs offer, they may attack both another dog and a person nearby. You know this. It has nothing to do with whether or not African-Americans commit crimes across the Bay; that's not a reasonable analogy.

Right now, you know of a dog who is kept isolated in a room all day, who doesn't get adequate exercise or socialization, who is under the same roof with an avowed dog abuser and cat neglecter--no wonder you are extremely stressed. If you read about this case online, what would you say? Don't think it out, now--first thought in your head?

I think you would say, "Somebody needs to get that dog out of there," and I agree with you: somebody does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
k...im sorry, but I just can't take any of this advice seriously. When I hear people make assumptions about pit bulls when they themselves have never owned one I just can't help but not taking them seriously. Im sorry, what you all said has really hit a nerve and im trying not get angry about it, but what your saying about Pits does not apply to our dog. I was asking what should I do to cope with this situation, how can I find the optimism, not pesimissm. I was hoping for more positive constructive feedback. Not assumptions about a dog you don't even know or heard any explanation about besides its living situation. I should have said my boyfriend got a labrador then I would have had better advice. I heard a vetenarian once say that he has had actually had more problems with labs being nippy than with pit bulls. He said pits were very complacent. There is no way I am gonna leave my dog alone there. I love him very much, he is like my child. It sucks that he is alone during the day, but my boyfriends mom and dad come by to see him during the day and I am hoping to find a dog walker soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

If you want advice on dogs, post in a dog advice forum. If you want advice on your relationship, then stick to the topic of your relationships and stop getting defensive about dogs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

I do agree with you, pit bulls are actually a very good breed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

What part of what I said bit your nose?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Let's just look at the fact here w/o getting into the question of whether pit bulls are good dogs to own:

1) your BF got a dog that was a breed that you didn't want, even though you tried to talk him out of it.

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