I need advice, encouragement, something
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I need advice, encouragement, something
| Sun, 04-22-2007 - 12:30pm |
I have been married for ONLY 3 years. My husband has great work ethics, is a good (weekend) father to my step-daughter, is handy around the house, and I know he would never cheat on me.....BUT, I am not happy.
My husband also has some qualities about him that I can't stand. He has several activities that HE likes to do (go to the local bar to have a few with a friend and watch TV) and when asked to do something with me, more often than not, the answer is no. "No, I don't want to ride bikes with you, no I don't want to go for a walk, no I don't care to go shopping at the local landscaping nursery with you, no, I don't want to do that." Of course, these are just a few examples of the "no's" that I get on a regular basis. When I reply with "But I would really enjoy your company," or "It would mean a lot to me to have your help," his response is ALWAYS, "When you don't want to go somewhere with me I don't care, why do you have to?" His response is always so predictable, I would put money on his answers! When probed for ideas of what he would like to do, it is always go to the local bar for a drink or watch TV.
Whenever we decide we want to go out for dinner, my ideas of locations hardly ever fly. He would rather "stay close to home," "go somewhere where they serve beer," or "isn't hungry for that."
He doesn't like to visit family, his but especially mine. His parents own an RV they keep at the beach. They invite us to go with them several times throughout the summer to sit in the sun and drink. It has gotten rather monotonous, but I go with him, and us course he has to go EVERY time they are there...and I mean like 5 times a summer! Any other time of the year it is a hassle for him to visit his parents...it is too far to drive or he would rather do something at home like go to the local bar or watch TV. Oh I should mention that his parents live an hour and a half away, BUT the beach is also an hour and a half away. When visiting my father (who I only ever visit twice a year b/c he is nine hours away) it is always an arguing match. Again I hear, "If you didn't want to go with me to see my parents I wouldn't care." He has avoided my father so much that my father has questioned me as to why my husband doesn't like him.
Anyways, I think that all of these behaviors are very self-centered, selfish behaviors. I have tried to communicate my feelings, but to no avail. Is there any hope for us? All of this selfishness is building up a lot of animosity in me. I question HOW I could love someone who behaves in such a way.
My husband also has some qualities about him that I can't stand. He has several activities that HE likes to do (go to the local bar to have a few with a friend and watch TV) and when asked to do something with me, more often than not, the answer is no. "No, I don't want to ride bikes with you, no I don't want to go for a walk, no I don't care to go shopping at the local landscaping nursery with you, no, I don't want to do that." Of course, these are just a few examples of the "no's" that I get on a regular basis. When I reply with "But I would really enjoy your company," or "It would mean a lot to me to have your help," his response is ALWAYS, "When you don't want to go somewhere with me I don't care, why do you have to?" His response is always so predictable, I would put money on his answers! When probed for ideas of what he would like to do, it is always go to the local bar for a drink or watch TV.
Whenever we decide we want to go out for dinner, my ideas of locations hardly ever fly. He would rather "stay close to home," "go somewhere where they serve beer," or "isn't hungry for that."
He doesn't like to visit family, his but especially mine. His parents own an RV they keep at the beach. They invite us to go with them several times throughout the summer to sit in the sun and drink. It has gotten rather monotonous, but I go with him, and us course he has to go EVERY time they are there...and I mean like 5 times a summer! Any other time of the year it is a hassle for him to visit his parents...it is too far to drive or he would rather do something at home like go to the local bar or watch TV. Oh I should mention that his parents live an hour and a half away, BUT the beach is also an hour and a half away. When visiting my father (who I only ever visit twice a year b/c he is nine hours away) it is always an arguing match. Again I hear, "If you didn't want to go with me to see my parents I wouldn't care." He has avoided my father so much that my father has questioned me as to why my husband doesn't like him.
Anyways, I think that all of these behaviors are very self-centered, selfish behaviors. I have tried to communicate my feelings, but to no avail. Is there any hope for us? All of this selfishness is building up a lot of animosity in me. I question HOW I could love someone who behaves in such a way.

Hi melinda and welcome to the board,
Was he always like this?