I need advice from a POSITIVE P.O.V.
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| Thu, 07-29-2004 - 11:54am |
Sandy and him had a bad break-up (no not because of cheating) so you would figure they wouldn't talk anymore, right? On a recent trip back to our hometown, he called her while we weren't together. I found out and he denied it, but he eventually told me he did call her. I questioned him about meeting up w/ her and he denies that too but I'm not sure how to believe him. I've had ongoing trouble with Sandy since we've gotten back together and I just don't get why they still need to talk to each other. I don't believe there's anything going on between them, but because of our past I can't seem to convince myself.
Breaking up with him is NOT an option. We love each other very much. I just wonder if anyone has gone through a similiar problem with an ex and how they coped with it. I think I have some issues that haven't been resolved from the past and I just need to get over it. I know he loves me a lot and is very sorry for the things he's done.
I like to tell myself "he came back to you...he was yours all along".
Please help!

YOu have problems with her - because despite his "commitment" to you he continues to contact her...that he denies it indicates volumes about his character.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I'm just so paranoid from our past that there's more going on than what he's telling me. He's told me that he doesn't tell me when she calls because he knows how upset I'll get and it'll just lead to a fight. I just really need to have more confidence in myself to accept that they're friends and there's nothing going on between them.
Thanks for the input, doubleblade.
You're saying he's a sweet, kind, can't say no to anybody kind of guy.....that he hides it from you because "you're so insecure" when they converse and meet.......
You do realize what you're saying is that his friendship with her is more important to him than his relationship with you is - because he's not extending to you the courtesy, respect, and acceptance of a mature adult - who has an equality based, honestly communicative, mutually beneficial dynamic in a relationship with you.
What you're saying is that if "anybody anywhere" needs him for "anything, anytime"...he's there - be it on the phone, in person, etc....and that is for everybody "but you" - becuase he's so good, sweet, kind, noble, loving, caring and sensitive that he sees everybody's need of him - but yours.
I agree, you're probably paranoid, and you're probably a little insecure, and you're probably a little suspicious and accusatory - and maybe you dissolve into a paroxym of tears and hysterics that make him "want to avoid having you and "her" and his involvement with her" impacting him.
But he's can't put his relationship with you in a box...and put it on the shelf when her or other people need him - that he wants to interact with, be neededd by......and then take you off the shelf whenever it works for him, or won't impact him negatively.
He's insecure - that is why he needs to be everybody's everything......because if he wasn't insecure he could prioritize and honestly communicate. And eithrer tell you honestly that you and she hold the same status in his estimation as far as "importance" go (not same status as to "girlfriend) and he's going to see her, contact her as often as he likes - as a result of her being a priority in his life by his choice...Or he'd tell her honestly that YOU and your relationship are of greater value to him than being "needed and leaned upon" by her......and he'd cease to have contact with her like he does - primarily behind your back.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Carrie
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