i need advice for a relationship?
Find a Conversation
i need advice for a relationship?
| Sun, 10-10-2004 - 9:47am |
i am needing someones point of view on my relationship with my little girl's daddy...i met jason online in a chatroom and we got to meet in person one night after several weeks of talking...jason is 9 yrs younger than i am and was wanting a relationship...i like younger guys so i agreed to meet him because i liked how we really got along in our conversations we had online we really have a lot in common and our interests were about the same...we met and hung out but he had said he didnt want sex on the first date cause he didnt think it was right and i was relieved and happy at the same time because i thought i really found someone who had respect about a woman enough to wait on that till we got to know each other better...well two weeks later we got together and what came out of that wonderful night is my beautiful little girl..well needless to say after it was said and done...he told me all he wanted was what had happened and that he was not really ready to settle down with anyone ...he had alot of things he still wanted to accomplish ..and he was not ready for a family...which if given any other circumstance that would have been ok till i found out i was pregnant from that one night together...when i tried to tell him he didnt want nothing to do with the baby...about 3 months later he changed his mind and wanted to know everything about just the baby and of course my health as for me emotinally ,physically and relationship wise he wanted nothing else..he wanted others he had been meeting online...so i have been emotionally depressed ever since because i feel like my dauhgter has been cheated out of a family situation to have both parents at least try to have a realationship together to see if it would really work out...my little girl is 2 now and about a yr ago jason and i became what you would call good friends so to speak...as long as i let him do what he wants we are ok...he got laid off and i stood by him and helped him when he needed financial help and a about 2months ago he decided that maybe we could try to work things out to be together and see if we could have a relationship and see where it would take us...well i fell for it hook, line and sinker and got sexually involved again and only to be told it didnt feel right to him that being with me physically didnt feel right to him and he proceeded to let me read a converasation he had with another online aquaintance he talks to and he told her it was mercy sex like out of pitiness ....told the person i made him feel creepy...that hurt and now i am having a really hard time walking away because we had a really good friendship when we were just friends but most of all my little girl seems really happy when she has both of us together on some weekends that we choose to hang out at her dads place...part of me wants to walk away from all the tiredness of emotional sickness and part of me wants to stay because my little girl is happy...we dont fight too often just when i find out about him sleeping with others we get into it big time...i guess i am jealous because i want what he is giving away to others...please help me move on....oh by the way he did finally get hired on fulltime with the company that laid him off..inspite of everything he tries to be a good dad and he does pay child support so as far as him mistreating his little girl thats not a problem...the real problem i have is his meeting just anyone online and i am scared to death for him to bring those people around my child ...because you just never know who he is picking up and he doesnt really know them its just for sex kind of deal that he meets these women...doesnt know much about them..but tells them all about our little girl...to me thats not a good idea...never knowing if they are child nappers...help...tell if i am right or wrong to feel this way??

She's two. If she's not having overnight visits away from your home, stop worrying.
Know that your worry comes from how the two of you met and how it turned out. Also know that until you heal your broken heart and realize that you and him will never have a traditional family together. Your little girl wasn't cheated out of anything. She has two parents that are involved in her life and he is paying child support, which is more than some single mothers can say about their children's father.
You have to focus on what she has, not what she doesn't have. And also focus on healing your heart. YOU are NOT LESS THAN because he doesn't want a relationship with you, you are not less than because he didn't want to marry you, you are not less than because he doesn't live with you. He's not the right match for you, you have different goals, feelings and life paths. Nothing wrong with that.
Have you considered short-term counseling to help you work through this and boost your self-esteem? It can help. Start journal writing, vent on paper how you feel about everything.
Reading material to consider:
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
Men Are Like Waffles - Women Are Like Spaghetti, Bill & Pam Farrel
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
My best to you and your little girl. She's a blessing.
Carrie