I need an advise from american women

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
I need an advise from american women
7
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 6:42pm
Hi everyone,

I am from China and have been dating an american man for about a year. We both live and work in San Francisco. I want to find out , girls, when you go on dates with your boyfriends who usually pays for movies, dinners and so on???

In my case , i pay about 70% and he pays 30% of the time. When we go to more expensive restaurants , i almost always pay. He most of the time takes me out for coffee at Starbucks. In my culture it is not normal and guy like that would be considered to be cheap. Is it a norm for an american men? It bothers me and i have been thinking about breaking up with him because of that.

P.S. We are both working and making a reasonable amount of money.

Thanks for your answers

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 6:55pm
Unless he makes 30% of what you do, then yes, he's cheap.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 9:29pm
I agree. He is being cheap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 6:14am
Yes he is cheap, but before you dump him ask him why he never pays if he gives you a lame answer dump him, but he might think you like to pay who knows all men are crazy.

LAters
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 5:40pm
Thanks to everyone for your answers. I really appreciate it because i am very confused about this relationships.

No, he is not making 30% of my salary, he is actually making more money than me.

I feel uncomfortable to ask him directly " Why don't you pay?" . He pays sometimes.

Here are some situations that i had with him.

We went to the Disneyland a couple of month ago. In a parking lot i gave him some money to keep in his poket because i did not want to take my purse with me and i did not have any pokets to put the money. He bought tickets for both of us with my money, some souvenis for me and himself and kept $20 change.

When i had my birthday , he took me out for some tea and pastries ( i believe the total cost of that would be $20 max). On his birthday, which is a couple of weeks after mine , i have asked him where does he want to go. He said that he knows one nice restaurant . We went there and guess what? It was about $40 per plate. I ended up paying the whole bill because it was his birthday and i did not feel comfortable to ask him to pay some of it.

I am not a greedy person and $40 here and $20 there will not affect my budget but it is the fact that he is acting like that bothers me a great deal.

And one more detail that i find strange. When we go to a restaurants, he always takes all the leftovers especially if he pays. And not only leftovers from our plates but he would ask waiters to bring some extra chips and bread, and he would take all those little boxes with jellies or honey or butter. Or if he buys coffee from Starbucks we have to come back to that place no matter how far away we went so he can get a refill. Those little things irritate me. Is it something normal and i just do not understand the culture?

Thank you



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 6:21pm
This is not typical American behavior. This man is cheap by American standards. And to ask the waiter for extra bread and take all the butter, etc is embarrasing. To take your change from you is even worse.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 7:14pm
Oh, my goodness, run! Seriously. This guy is beyond cheap.

Sheri

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:02am
Reading these posts about being cheap brought up a memory of my past that I feel

I should share to give everyone a laugh. At the time I was mad , but looking back

I just have to laugh.

I had a boyfriend many years ago who was as cheap as anyone could be. When my

birthday rolled around , he feined penniless. So , I got an ever-so-fantastic

FIFTY CENT CUPCAKE from a local grocery store that said Happy Birthday ! I was

disappointed , but said nothing. Then , out he pulls a TWENTY DOLLAR case of

beer FOR HIMSELF ONLY !!!!!!! I was pi$$ed to say the least. It get's better

though - I swear !! He got drunk , got the munchies , AND ATE MY CUPCAKE !!

Some men are just boobs. But you could give him the benefit of the doubt and

ask him about it. What have you got to lose ?

Heather