i need to be an adult hubby treats me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
i need to be an adult hubby treats me
4
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 9:14pm
he treats me like iam 5 yrs old and hes 38 and iam 25 married 3 yrs and have a kid shes 2 yrs old i love him very much but its continious i have sought couseling nothings changed and iam tried of being treated like iam 5 yrs old and mentally stupid whitch iam not he yells at me on a constant basis i need to find peace and i cant not with him i cant leave and wont due to my daughter so i contuine to work on myself how can i tell him or get him to treat me with respect like an adult not like a kid ? iam so tired of it all and he acts like my dad calls me the b word also and as a kid i had to hear it from my dad all the time till i left home i can forgive my dad but this is bs and it needs to stop i am adult not a kid i feel regretful i even married him leacing would be easy but not in my situation when u have a kid to raise its hard so i tell him if he has nothing nice to say to me then dont say nothing to me at all and sometimes we ignore each other i swear i need couseling after all the abuse i am suffering from i cant live like this its like living with my dad all over agin i cant tolerate it anymore i feel worthless and like so stupid and i cant do anything right iam sorry for going on but thanks for listening any advice welcomed thanks agin
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 3:10am

hugs honey! you are not stupid, or worthless. you understand that this is wrong and unhealthy, and you understand that you were raised in a similar way - which is probably what attracted you to your husband in the first place. nobody deserves to be yelled at, or called a B***. YOUR going to therapy will only help YOU - but it won't CHANGE your husband.


i am sorry that you feel that living like this is good for your daughter. do you really believe that? remember ---- this is the way that YOU were treated as a child, do you really think that this is GOOD and HEALTHY for your dd?


do you have a job, or job skill? do you have money, friends, family, who can help you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 11:39am
no its not healthy i was raised like that as a child no i have no job i use to work but stay home to take care of my kid what should i do im confused
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 12:54pm
'i cant leave and wont due to my daughter '

What is your daughter learning from watching you two, her role model relationship? What does she learn about how to treat people and how to be treated? What type iof man will she be attracted to when she goes up? I can answer that for you:

'as a kid i had to hear it from my dad all the time '

Do you want the cycle to continue?

I think it is great that you are in counseling but unless he goes to counseling or anger management classes, he is not going to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sun, 06-13-2004 - 6:25pm
he calls you the b word, your dad called you the b word..... sounds like you married your dad. If you think back, all you wanted was to be loved, be safe, and be happy but as a child you were taught that love hurts. It's called conditioning the child to put up with abusive behaviors. You looked for a person who would feel familiar because that is what you knew how to function with and found someone who was like your dad. All else is foreign until you experience the good life free of abuse. You need to separate yourself from your husband so you can learn the difference between functional and dysfunctional people. You shouldn't have been treated like that by your dad any more than you are being treated like this by your husband. Your daughter shouldn't have to see you being treated this way anymore than you should have experienced it in the first place. She too, will learn to numb herself to reality in order to survive. Your daughter will feel the same way about herself if she is subjected to this kind of environment. I bet you want your daughter to learn how to have healthy relationships. Staying in this relationship won't teach her that. Why do you feel you can't leave? There are many strong supports today that will help you through. No, it won't be easy but you are a strong person - you have survived these abusive men in your life. You can do what you need to do. Just watch you!!!

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER believe anyone that tells you or treats you like you are stupid. The only Stupid is the one who is oppressing you with these abusive thoughts and actions. You are doing the right thing right now by wanting it to stop and I believe you will make it stop cause you can make it stop for both you and your daughter and he won't.

Just a tip - if you feel and look helpless to an abuser - they see you as someone they can hurt - you are easy prey. Don't allow it.


Edited 6/13/2004 6:32 pm ET ET by hashell2004