I need to change
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| Fri, 10-08-2004 - 10:31am |
But this criticism is destroying our relationship and I don't know how to stop. Its like I'm picking on him to make myself feel like I'm on top (or better than him). Last night he said he wanted us to separate and he totally meant it. I guess I've taken for granted that he will never leave me. It was like someone punched me in the gut. I was so scared. I've been single for 5 years and I knew when I met him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I begged him to stay and he says he doesn't want to raise children in this environment. He loves me so much but says he can't let me treat him this way. He says nothing he ever does is right and I'll never be happy with him.
I can't describe how this made me feel but he was totally right and I admitted that but it wasn't enough. He says I always do this; say one thing and do another. I'm always affectionate with him and tell him I love him. I cook, clean, and work to help out with the bills. I do well with material things but not with my words. I convinced him to stay and promised I would change and be different but I'm afraid I won't live up to his expectations and when I come home one day he'll be gone. I want to be a better woman to him and change my behavior. I need help because I can't let this one go. He means everything to me and is a wonderful man. I don't deserve him but I don't want to lose him either.

Sometimes, people tend to act this way ebcause things are going so well in all other areas. Its as if you think that things are going too good to be true, so you pick a fight. This way, things arent perfect anymore. Its almost like you are not comfortable unless there is drama going on.....
Another reason could be that you feel like he isnt giving you an adequete amount of attention(even though he seems to be), unless you are fighting. So you pick fights, to get this xtra attention from him. Either way, its unhealthy and can only be tolerated for so long, no matter who you are.
Do you have health insurance? If so, I would look into some individual counseling, as they are usually covered by insurances. If not, you need to start being more concious of what you are sayin, how you are acting. Maybe you two should start a journal. Every
:)