I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
I need help
6
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:03pm
I am a 20 year old married mother of 2. Lately my husband and I have been having some problems. Since the problems started I have been seriously crushing on the maintaince supervisor. Everytime I see him around my apartment complex, I think about him the rest of the day. I love my husband and children but I just can't stop thinking about this man. Is there something seriously wrong with me or my feelings towards my husband that I have not figured out yet? What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: imommy12
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:39am

Whats wrong is the relationship with your husband. The sooner you are upfront and honest with him and yourself, the better...Whats lacking? With 2 kids and being so young, Im sure things arent perfect. The important thing is to stay away from that supervisor, he will only cause trouble and pain.


Maybe if you set aside one or two days a month to spend with each other, you will remember why you should be fantasizing about you rhusband and not anyone else.


Best wishes adn keep us posted.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: imommy12
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:55am
imommy12...

This is called "transference"---and because you're not getting the attention you want from your husband...you're hoping Mr. Maintenance Man will satisfy you in that department!

But you better be careful what you wish for! If you encourage anything more than "just a hello"---you'll not only screw up your marriage, but will give your children some very confusing signals!

Maybe you need to take an enrichment course, do some volunteer work, or get out on your own one or 2 nights a week? Any diversion might take your mind off of Mr. Maintenance Man!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: imommy12
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:36am
Maybe you should think about seeing a marriage counselor. If your thinking of having an affair, then DON'T. It can do nothing but bring more pain to you and your family. Along with alot of regret. There are some wonderful counselor's out there that will help. If your hubby won't go then you go. Maybe try to do some things to spice up your marriage. Join a gym together, have a date night, take a weekend to go away, just the two of you. Don't make a mistake that you will regret the rest of your life. Also this is a mistake that will be remembered by everyone in your family. Believe me thats not a memory your children need. Put everything into fixing this family and then if it's not fixable you know you have done what you can and then you can move on to a relationship with someone once you are single. I hope this helps. It's just an option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
In reply to: imommy12
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:59am
I've never really thought about having an affair, I just think about what if. You know? Thank you all for your advice. But the date night thing and stuff like that doesn't work, my husband never wants to go anywhere. I mean never. I am a stay-at-home mom and I want to get out every once in a while but he won't. I might be getting a job today so maybe if I don't see him as often, I won't think about himn anymore. Right? I don't want to seperate from my husband, I love him. We can't afford counseling. I try to do things to "spice up our marriage" but that doesn't work. It doesn't make anything better. I've even told him recently that I was gonna leave him if he didn't at least start trying, and that did nothing. NOTHING! I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: imommy12
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:52pm
Get the book, Relationship Rescue, Dr Phil - take the test in there about what you need in a relationship/partner and tell him point-blank - I need these things to stay in this marriage, to have my needs met, are you willing?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
In reply to: imommy12
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:43pm
I think that its normal for people to develop crushes on others while in a relationship... probably because its just something new. I'm doing the same thing with my boyfriend. Are you unhappy with your relationship and the family you built? If you are, then change that. If your happy with everything you have, then don't put your thoughts into action, just let the crush pass by. Everyone goes through this at one point. Don't do anything you will later regret. Good luck.