i need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
i need help
5
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:36pm
Hi, ive been seeing my boyfriend now for nearly 2 years, he lives about 3 miles away but i only see him friday's and saturday's, (nights not days) we keep having the same discussion about not seeing each other he says he will make more of an effort but never does, i live with my 2 children and he lives with his dad, i never get invited round to his house, this is making me feel very unhappy, i love him very much but can't go on like this, what is his problem, and now ive found out i'm pregnant i want the baby but not sure if its the right thing to do as i don't think things will change, as i right this he is signed into msn but never holds a conversation with me we hardly speak in the week. i'm really desperate now for help.

thanks cath

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:13pm
You poor thing.

Okay - first things first. You and the baby and the kids. I think you should get good prenatal care and take good care of yourself and the kids. Try to get your life organized now while you have the time. I know it is hard but since you are a mom you know that a baby is a precious gift. Try to focus on that.

As for him - he is not meeting your needs or willing to try to meet them so you should give him an ultimatum about the relationship. You will also have to tell him about the baby. He will have to pony up some child support - you should look into this with a local attorney.

Good luck to you and be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:38pm
I think he is using you in someway, if he really cared about you he would pay attention to your feeling and he would WANT to spend more time with you. Me and my boyfriend have a similiar problem about spending time together we only see eachother at night on weekends. But I live 30mins away and our work schedules are confusing, but he wants to see me. He will call and tell me he missed me or asks if I can take the day off. Anyway my point is that he shows that he cares and your not getting this from you guy. I would try backing off (pregnancy aside) and letting him come to you if he doesnt then you know how he really feels and if he does well then give him a taste of his own medicine and then explain to him thats how you felt. On the other hand I dont know what to tell you about the pregnancy. I can tell you this. I used to be PRO abortion until I got pregnant. It turned out to be an extopic pregnancy it had to be taken out because it couldnt survive, for a split second (even though it wasent planned) I got so excited and even now I wish it would of been a healthy pregnancy. I dont think people ever really recover from abortions and misscarriages. You might not feel sad now but you will down the road.

Good Luck in whatever you do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:10pm
He wants to be with you when it is convenient for him. I wonder if he is hiding something if you only see him at the same day and time every week and haven't seen his place.

Think about what is right for you. Can you handle a third child on your own? If abortion is out for you what about adoption?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 5:10pm
thankyou so much for taking the time to reply it brought tears to my eyes to hear that but i know your right but i will have to speak to him next friday as thats the next time i will see him as he is at a wedding tonight that i have not been invited to then he is off to play golf for the week. but thankyou very much x
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 5:28pm
thankyou so much for taking the time to answer it means a lot i will take on board your advice i need to tell him what i'm thinking i don't think this is ever going to work no matter what we do, only this weekend he is at a wedding on his own ather than take me with him then he is off to golf for the weekend, i don't begrudge anyone a life but i need mine back. thankyou again. x