i need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
i need help!
1
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:23pm
Hi everyone

First time poster on this site - may I say first off that this is a wonderful site - not just for women, but for everyone?

I have been with my partner for almost 7 years - we have had our ups and down like most couples. But the last few years have been really trying.

My partner was previously married, and her exhusband physically abused her and caused her to have a lot of emotional issues and issues of insecurity etc. At the start of 2000, she suffered a breakdown, attempted suicide and was diagnosed with depression. over the next 18 - 24 months things were really tough, with her recovering and I assuming the full on step-parent/parent role for her two children. During that time our relationship really suffered as well - no intimacy and so on, it became a support type relationship.

Anyway she is now feeling a lot better, and we are still together, and everything is great except the sex part - we just dont seem to have physical chemistry any more. For me, when all these things happened, I felt I had to detach myself from the relationship, so I shut myself down so I wouldnt have that physical need for intimacy with her or anyone... now I dont know why but it just doesnt work - sex, or intimacy in general, just doesnt come naturally or feel comfortable naturally... the few times we have been intimate, its been almost scripted, like okay one of us will go to the bedroom, tell the other we are there, and then we'd fool around, and thats it. Outside of that there just doesnt seem to be natural chemistry, intimacy... it frustrates my partner to no end and i feel i am totally to blame. I feel like theres something wrong with me. I love her dearly, yet I dont know whats wrong with me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
In reply to: igreybunny
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:06am
first of all i would just like to say that its not a bad thing if its scripted like you said. when i want to get layed i say to my husband so you wanna have sex and then we proceed into the room, other times he says i need to get layed or i need a BJ...i mean its spontanious in a way but what you are saying really doesnt seem out of the ordinary for a long term relationship. now on the other hand if your not attracted to her or if your mind is wondering while you are being intimate then theres a problem. but if your uncomfortable about whats going on try and spice things up....it cant hurt, it can only be better from what your saying...

good luck